


Not Strong Enough

by AkumaNoDanna



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Fluff, High School, M/M, SasoDei - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 10:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3806935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkumaNoDanna/pseuds/AkumaNoDanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SasoDei. Deidara is a sophomore, better known as the blond boyfriend of the coolest guy at school, Itachi. Deidara is suffering, but no-one is there to listen to the cries of one regarded as a prince. Except, perhaps, a new redhaired student that shows up in the middle of a semester. Oddly, Deidara doesn't even need words to explain…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The room is dark and quiet, a clock's silent ticking filling the space. In such silence, the clock's mechanical rhythm sounds much more intimidating than it would in different conditions; it is not loud, but  _thumps_ through your head like gun shots, should you listen too hard.

The sound of a boy's shallow breathing is mostly muted by the clicking. Not that there is anyone to witness it. The room is empty of people, save for the blond boy curled up in his bed.

There is a change in the rhythms that fill the silence. The clock is still ticking the same, but an additional beat has been added to it. They echo from outside the room and gain volume as they come closer. Footsteps.

The door is opened.

"Deidara!"

The blond teen bolts up in shock, his forehead covered in sweat and heart accelerating at an unhealthy pace.

He glances around himself until his eyes come to a stop on the woman with matching hair colour, standing in the doorway.

The woman is smiling. "Time for school, honey."

-x-

Deidara's eyes are still half-lidded and his head aching as he steps into the schoolhouse. His wish of the day is for it to pass by as quickly and silently as possible. For about ten minutes, he believes that it could actually come true. His faith only lasts until he has hung his coat and turns around.

"HEEEYYYY, DEI!" an overly pitched voice shouts right in his ear, making him cringe in pain and cover both of his ears in a flash.

"God DAMN IT, INO, I ALREADY HAVE A HEADACHE."

The mentioned girl hides her amused chuckle behind her hand as she looks over the male. "You're in a grumpy mood again, eh?" she says, patting the male's head in a mocking babysitter way. "Oh but don't you worry, aunty Ino will make your day better!" she says, pursing her lips in an obnoxious manner.

"Shut. UP!" Deidara yells, batting the hand away like a fly.

Ino rolls her eyes and crosses her hands over her chest. "Boo-hoo. Just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you should-"

Deidara is gritting his teeth and glaring at her throughout her speech. If he's going to make it through the day, it won't be with her and her loud mouth. But how to get rid of her? He isn't too keen on the idea of hitting a girl...

"Ino!" a deep voice bellows from behind them, shutting the girl up; she pales. So does Deidara. "Stop bothering my boyfriend!" A shiver slithers down the blond's back.

He knows he should turn around, but he doesn't; he can't. His feet feel rooted to the floor. No matter how much Ino annoyed him, he would have spent the entire day (and night, if necessary) with her, if it had meant being able to escape the person right behind him.

"Laters, Dei," Ino mutters and turns on her heel, taking her leave. Deidara is so close to reaching out and begging for her to stay, but knows it to be too late already once the firm hand wraps around his waist and pulls hik close.

"Hey, Itachi," Deidara whispers in a small voice and lets out a sigh of resignation.

-x-

Just to make everything clear from the start - it was never Deidara's wish to become Itachi's boyfriend. Frankly, he despises it, just as he despises Itachi and his whole existence. And fears. Oh yes, he also fears him.

Everybody at his school does. Only there aren't many people who would listen to you complain about being the boyfriend of the  _coolest,_ most  _popular_ guy in school whom no-one dared to talk back to. Which is why Deidara never gets a word out about it.

He once tried talking about it to Ino. The girl's reaction was the following: she rolled her eyes and said, "Oh  _poor_  you, Dei. Even with all your freaky being you're  _untouchable_ thanks to that guy. You do realize, if it wasn't for him, your days here would consist of people tripping you, throwing food at you and coughing 'freak' every time you pass?" Ino knew from personal experience.

Even though Ino is the  _only_ person at school Deidara could consider a friend (or something similar to it, at least), she is also very envious by nature and extremely jealous of Deidara's position.

Deidara cannot blame her. He knows how much she hates being an outcast. He merely wishes for a chance to explain to her - to anyone - how eagerly he would switch places with her, if he could.

-x-

Itachi escorts Deidara to his class and a cluster of  _their_ (read: Itachi's) friends escort the couple. Since Deidara is a sophomore and everyone else is a year or two older than him - Itachi's a senior - he enters the class alone.

He heads to his seat and throws his bag on the free seat next to him. Since Itachi came along, no-one's dared to sit next to him in fear the latter would see them as a possible threat and do away with them.

Deidara slams his head against the desk.  _Why me?_  he asks himself over and over again.

It all began a year back on Christmas when the annual Christmas dance was taking place. He was surrounded by his friends when walking down the hallway, excitedly discussing the matter - who was going to wear what, who wanted to ask whom and whom they were really going to ask (as they were freshmen, it was obvious not everyone they would have liked to ask was an option).

Deidara was the one to hesitate the longest. It was common knowledge that he was gay, but he was not too eager to go asking anyone, since he had to make up a convincing lie then.

His mother did not approve of gays. Still does not.

As they were walking, all lost in thought or chatter, none of them saw a dark haired teenager -obviously not a freshman - approach. But once one of them did and came to a sudden halt, the rest followed suit, jaws hanging loose.

"Deidara," Itachi said -everyone knew his name, but the blond was surprised to find out that the boy knew his, too.

His friends automatically pushed him forward to face the guy.

"Y-yes?" Deidara stammered.

"Will you go to the dance with me?"

It was already then that Deidara listed the first thing he did not like about Itachi - no sense of discreteness. Deidara felt utterly embarrassed standing there like that, everyone's attention on him while he was supposed to make his decision on second's notice.

Honestly, though, there was not much to think about. No-one said "No" to Itachi, especially not a lousy freshman.

So Deidara agreed.

After the dance, which went well enough, he was certain that he had seen the end of it. That thought only lasted until the following morning, when he found Itachi waiting for him in the foyer.

Rumours spread like wildfire and suddenly everyone was clustered around the blond, congratulating him and inviting him to places (in hope that he would bring Itachi along, too). Deidara was completely dumbfounded and stunned. He had no idea so many people even knew he existed.

His unexpected fan clubs only lasted as long as Itachi got sick of it and told everyone to cut it out. Deidara was slightly relieved and grateful, since he did not appreciate all that attention, but it also scared him how easily Itachi could make others do what he wanted.

Reason 2 why he does not like the guy. Not that anyone cares. Most would give their souls to trade places with him.

-x-

Deidara does not raise his head when the teacher walks into the classroom. The man does nothing about it. Deidara does not know whether he acts so of his own accord or if he, too, is being manipulated by Itachi.

Itachi waits for him after every class to usher him to the next. Deidara does not know how he manages to always get there on time. Does he leave class early for him? He does not ask.

Itachi is not exactly a rule abiding student - that much is clear - especially when it comes to the one restricting PDA.

There is not much Deidara can do to keep the other's lips off him. Although today he manages to limit them to pecks on cheek only by turning his head away, usually his only option is to give in. As said before, Itachi does not take no for an answer and already a part of Deidara fears what will be the consequences this time.

Art is the last period before lunch break and, as usual, Deidara's easel is set the farthest from everyone else's. This is the only class, however, where Deidara does not mind it. He has a passion for art and can enjoy painting all the more with no-one around.

He has just taken out all his paints and brushes when he notices the teacher walking straight towards him, a redhead Deidara has never seen before by his side. The blond pauses his actions for a while and politely waits for them to reach him.

"Deidara," Miss Yuno says, "meet Sasori. Sasori - this is Deidara." The following she says solely to the blond: "Sasori is new in this class, so he'll need some help. Since you did so well with the technique we learnt yesterday, I want you to teach it to him."

Deidara nods. Like he has a choice. He sets his brush down with a sigh and turns to the redhead busy setting up his canvas.

"Uhm, hey, uh," he says, feeling awkward to have the other's back on him. "I'm Deidara. Dei to friends."

"So I heard," the redhead replies. He whips around and Deidara is nearly charmed off his feet by the wicked smile he receives. "Do I need to repeat my name also or did you catch that already?"

Deidara is having trouble stopping himself from staring. "Y-yeah," he stutters, his eyes still glued to the guy. Thank God Itachi is not here.

Sasori is a few inches shorter, yet his spiky hair pointing in every direction greatly makes up for it and Deidara hardly notices it. His gaze is held captive by the other's set of dark brown eyes that look like they could see right through him.

As Deidara forces himself to blink and look away, Sasori chuckles, clearly aware of the effect he has on the blond. "You know, no offence or anything, but I don't really need help with the technique."

Deidara looks back at him, stunned. "Oh," he says, maybe a bit disappointed; so much for being able to talk more to him. "Alright. If you say so." He turns to regard his own work in-progress and picks up a brush. He starts off with a few soft strokes, growing stronger as he begins emphasizing details.

"How long have you been painting?" Deidara is surprised to hear the other ask. He glances at him briefly, then averts his gaze quickly to his painting before a blush can tint his cheeks red.

"Um, since kindergarten, I believe, uh. Why?"

Even though he strictly forbids himself from looking at the redhead in order to avoid further embarrassment, from the corner of his eye he can still see Sasori shrug his shoulders. He also notices that the other is not working at all.

"Skills like that can't be acquired in this shitty school program."

Deidara tries to hide the smile that has crawled onto his face at the compliment and attempts keeping his tone nonchalant as he says, "If you say so."

Deidara does not need anyone's assertion to know how much he failed at hiding anything. He quickly adds a question of his own in an attempt to draw attention away from the uneasiness of his tone in the previous sentence, "Are you new here? I don't think I've seen you around before, but people don't usually transfer in the middle of semester."

There is silence for a few minutes during which Deidara wonders if Sasori could be one of those I-ask-but-don't-give-answers kind of guys.

Finally, Sasori says, "Yeah, I'm new. Started this week. I fell sick unexpectedly at the end of summer and couldn't attend before."

"Oh" is the only thing Deidara says to that. He would like to know what kind of illness it was that lasted for a month and a half, but keeps his mouth shut, deeming the question rude. Instead, he says, "I'm glad you're okay now."

From the corner of his eye he catches Sasori raising an eyebrow, but does not elaborate. There was nothing wrong with that polite, friendly comment and he's certainly  _not_ going to feel embarrassed because of it.

Only that he does and his cheeks flush pink again. Mentally he groans and wonders just how much of a freak does Sasori already think he is.

"Did you know that Paradise Crew is giving a concert in town this weekend?"

Deidara is a bit stunned by the question, but collects himself quickly enough. "Um, no. Do you like them?"

"Don't you?"

Again, the Ask-questions-but-don't-answer stereotype goes through Deidara's head, but he decides to ignore it. Just this once.

"I actually do like them," he answers, a shiver running down his back when he realizes where the conversation is headed. Is it possible that Sasori is trying to  _ask him out_?

Dridara cringes. Oh how much he wishes he could go there with him, but he  _can't_. He's not available. Not on the weekend, not ever. Not until Itachi graduates at least.

"Shouldn't you be painting, too?" Deidara asks a bit too harshly, wishing he could take it back this instant. That was definitely  _not_ polite. But there is no way for him to take anything back, just as he cannot explain to Sasori why he is acting this way.

Sasori shows no signs of being offended. He glances at his empty canvas and gives a shrug, peeling himself off the wall he was leaning against.

Deidara turns back to his own painting and sighs silently. Just an additional reason to his list of 'Why I hate Itachi'.

The two do not talk until the end of the period, but as they start to pack up their stuff, Deidara cannot help noticing the redhead's work.

In the small amount of time he had, he has been able to accomplish as much as Deidara had in two classes. And it is true that he did not need any help with the technique, as his work is no less than perfect.

As they have made it through the mass of students and are strolling down the hallway towards the canteen, Deidara realizes that if they continue walking at a matching pace, they will end up at the same table in the canteen.

He sucks in a breath.

He halts swiftly and turns to Sasori, speaking hastily, "I'm so sorry, but I gotta go. See you around."

And just like that, without giving any further explanations, he takes off running, as though his life depends on it.

-x-

"Itachi," Deidara starts carefully, "would you like to come to the Paradise Crew concert with me this weekend?"

The two mentioned, plus three followers (that's what Deidara calls Itachi's friends) are sitting at the canteen table. Even though Deidara feels mildly uncomfortable making a suggestion like that in their presence - he always feel like they monitor his every move and he isn't wrong - he is certain of this being the best chance he will get to ask his, uh,  _boyfriend_. Now that Sasori brought it up, Deidara really doesn't want to miss the show and there has always been like an unspoken rule between them that if Deidara wants to go out, he must ask Itachi to come along.

"No," Itachi says tersely, "I have other plans for the weekend."

Deidara nods, hiding his face behind his hair. He hopes Itachi will take it as a display of disappointment, while he is actually doing it to hide the relief on his face. Now he can go there alone.

Without his permission, his eyes start to wander about the canteen, until coming to a stop on a table where he spots familiar red hair. His eyes travel down to the person's face and find the dark eyes staring at him directly.

Deidara sucks in a silent breath.  _Will I see you there?_

-x-

The next day, Deidara does his best to deny the disappointment he feels inside because of Sasori's absence in art class. Little did he know how much he had hoped for him to be there until he realizes he isn't.

Sighing, he resigns himself to painting alone. It was such a change to have someone talk to him so freely and casually, without fearing what Itachi might do, but Deidara was a fool to think it will last. One day was surely enough for someone to fill the redhead in on what kind of danger he was in for.

Maybe it scared him. Maybe he resigned from this class.

Accepting his cruel faith and wishing for Ino to be here, who would surely distract him from thinking about it by cracking a joke or blabbering about whatever was on her mind, he picks up a brush and dips it in paint. Unfortunately, Ino is as interested in art as she is in listening to him complain about Itachi.

"So that was your boyfriend," a lazy voice drawls from behind the blond, making him jump. "I was wondering why you seemed so tense."

Deidara instantly whips around, staring wide-eyed at the redhead, as though thinking him a ghost.

"How did you get here?" he blurts out his first reaction.

Sasori rolls his eyes. "Uhm, walk-ing?" he suggests in sarcasm, making walking motions with his index and middle finger.

Deidara is still too stunned to get out anything rational. "You weren't here a minute ago!" Out of which portal did he come from?

Sasori chuckles and brushes his scarlet red hair out of his face. "So I was late to class.  _Sorry,_ Teacher. Am I suspended now?"

Deidara realizes now how stupid he must sound and turns around in shame. "Sorry," he says, busying himself with brushes and paints. "To answer your question, yes, I'm Itachi's boyfriend." He raises his hand to continue working on the white dove he is painting.

"You know, there's a huge difference between saying 'I'm his boyfriend' and 'He is my boyfriend'," Sasori muses. Deidara freezes, his lifted hand starting to shake, so he lowers it.

Sasori doesn't seem to have noticed this as he continues, "The first option - the one you used - makes it sound like you're talking about your  _master_ , rather than your lover."

Deidara swallows hard. "And what does the second one sound like?" he inquires, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

Sasori shrugs casually, like he doesn't see it as important. "Like you're talking about someone you claim yours; someone you want others to stay away from, because you want them to belong solely to you. Like, possessive, y'know? Lovers. That's what it's all about, isn't it?"

"I see," Deidara whispers, neither arguing nor agreeing.  _It's not like I would know_ , he adds in his mind, not saying it out loud, though. He wishes they would change the topic.

Sasori isn't on the same page with him. "How did you two end up together, anyway? Must be a hell of a story."

"Wh-what do you mean?" Deidara's breath catches in his throat. No-one has ever asked him questions like this. To be precise, he  _has_ been asked how they got together, but not like  _this_. Sasori is a whole different story; he is  _waiting_ for a whole different story than others have.

"You're, like, two completely different people."

Deidara has had enough of this investigation. "How would  _you_  know?" he snaps angrily, turning around to face the other as he is not capable of painting in a condition like this.

Sasori doesn't let Deidara's sudden burst of anger bother him. He keeps his cool, still surrounded by the it's-no-biggie aura.

"He is so... tense. Serious. He dresses like he's having an important appointment after school." Sasori hops down from the window-sill where he seated himself as Deidara stares at him, like the eighth world miracle.

He has never heard anyone speak like that of Itachi before. No words like  _intimidating_ or  _frightening_ were used.

Deidara whips around to hide his expression and asks prudishly, "And what am I like then that he and I are such a horrible match?"

Sasori smiles slyly and sneaks up behind him, catching the blond off guard with the closeness. "You're so... pure. Not a match for someone who looks like they practice S&M behind the closed doors."

If Sasori's goal was to embarrass the other, then he has definitely succeeded. Deidara flushes as red as a tomato and turns around with an expression like he's about to hit the redhead.

Sasori backs down a good few steps and raises his palms. "Honestly, you did ask for my opinion." He lets out a mischievous chuckle and lowers his hands, knowing Deidara won't hit him.

Deidara scoffs and turns back to his all but forgotten painting, intending to stay that way this time. "I'll try not to make the same mistake twice."  _Asshole,_ he adds in his mind.

He emits a sigh, collecting himself and getting refocused. Just as he's about to draw a line, he hears the voice from behind him say, "Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

And again Deidara freezes. Itachi never apologizes. The blond has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from shrieking. Why can't he stop seeing every feature Itachi lacks yet he yearns for in this guy?!

He blows out a breath. "It's okay," he says, drawing the planned line, "I'm not angry."

There is a short silence and, since Deidara can't resist the urge, he finally peeks at Sasori, but then sees that he's about to open his mouth and averts his eyes back to the canvas quickly.

"It's just that you seem like a person who likes having fun," Sasori explains. "I can't imagine  _that_ guy ever doing anything for  _fun_."

"You don't know him," Deidara whispers, although he knows the other is right. Truth is, Itachi never  _does_ do anything just for the fun of it, which makes him one of the most boring persons for Deidara.

"You're right-" Sasori admits, but is shortly cut off by Deidara saying, "I really wish we didn't discuss my relationship anymore."

Silence falls again, until Sasori says, "Alright. Whatever you say."

When the bell rings and everyone is packing up, Sasori - who is the only one with nothing to do as he did not do anything for the entire period - starts to leave. But before he does that, he stops by Deidara and asks him quietly, "Will I see you on the weekend?"

Deidara looks at him in confusion.

"The concert," Sasori explains.

"Oh," says Deidara. "Yeah, I'll try to make it."

Sasori nods and takes his leave.

-x-

Deidara lives in a small, two-storey house with his mother - Ms. Iwaga - and cat Mr. Bang. The story behind that eccentric name is pretty simple: When Deidara was 5 and his mother brought in a collarless stray cat she had found, Deidara was already in his explosion-adoring phase (one that he is still yet to get over) and since he thought the name funny sounding... the rest is history.

After school Deidara takes a bus home, glad to have Itachi busy and unable to drive him. He kicks off his shoes in the hallway and, knowing his mother to be at work, heads up to his room.

He tosses his backpack by his bed and switches on his laptop. While waiting for it to log on, he undresses and puts on a pair of more comfortable jeans and a loose, gray T-shirt. He slips on a pair of slippers and walks downstairs to fetch himself a drink.

When he returns, his laptop has finished loading and he moves behind his desk, sipping dr. Pepper from the can before setting it down so he can work with both hands.

He has just opened up his inbox when the mobile next to him vibrates, announcing a new text. This sound always sends a cold feeling through the blond, because the sender is generally Mom or Itachi and neither rarely sends him messages of good news.

Reluctantly, he picks up the phone and opens the text, surprised to find a message from a number he just recently saved on his phone. A number he thought he might need on Saturday. A number he received in art class. A number whose price was his own number.

The text reads:  _what will u wear 2morrow?_

Deidara stares at the screen blankly, thinking  _what the hell?_

He presses on reply and quickly types:  _is this y u wanted my number? For fashion tips?_  He hits send.

He has just set the phone back on the desk when it already starts vibrating and Deidara is all too eager to know what the new message says.

_Probably not_

Deidara stares blankly at the text, wondering if he should send a pointless reply, like 'lol', or just let it drop. To make the choice easier for him, the phone rings soon again.

_u didn't answer the question_

Deidara rolls his eyes. Like he would know what clothes he is going to wear the next evening!

He presses reply and types:  _ill make it a surprise_.

When the mobile vibrates for the last time, it reads  _ill meet u at the front door._

Around 6 o'clock Deidara hears his mother's cooing voice as she greets (and possibly caresses Mr. Bang) in a tone she saves solely for cute animals and little children. How cute one considers the ripped-ear, one-eye, always cranky and with a face that warns you to either stay away or be prepared for some serious injuries cat depends on everyone's personal taste.

Deidara gets up from his seat and strolls downstairs with the intention of asking his mother for permission to go to the show on Saturday. He lingers on the staircase and waits for her to notice him. From her first expression upon seeing him it is always clear what mood she is in and whether it is a good idea to ask her right away.

When Ms. Iwaga does finally notice her son, a pleasant smile appears on her face and Deidara lets out a sigh of relief before advancing with a friendly smile of his own.

"Hey," he says as he reaches the end of he stairs.

"Hello, darling," the woman replies and pecks her son on the forehead. Deidara makes a face but does not show it to his mother.

The woman proceeds to the living room and the boy traces after her, hands in pockets, searching for the right words.

Ms. Iwaga sits down on the sofa and runs a hand through her hair. She blows out a breath. "Come on, I know that look. Tell me, what do you need this time?" she says, "I gave you money three days ago - don't tell me you've spent it already, I-"

"No, no," Deidara shakes his head hurriedly, "nothing like that."

"Then what is it?"

"I... just wanted to ask for permission."

The woman raises her eyebrows. They match her hair colour, which is blonde, just like her son's. "Go on," she encourages.

Deidara gives a nervous smile and scratches the back of his head. "Well... You see..." - he hesitates - "Paradise Crew is doing a gig this Saturday - tomorrow - and I-"

"You wanna go?"

Deidara pauses, then wordlessly nods his head.

"Who do you plan on going with?" his mother inquires.

"Uhm, alone," Deidara mumbles, looking away. Catching a glimpse of the woman's skeptical look, he adds, "well, I was supposed to catch up with Ino there." Smoothelie.

"Ino? The one you went to the prom with?" she recalls.

Another lie.

Deidara nods. "Yeah, her. She's a good friend."

The woman smirks. "Only a friend?"

Deidara rolls his eyes. Leave it up to his mother to make every girl he talks to his girlfriend. "Yes, only."

She gives him a long, level look until sighing and waving her hand. "Yeah, sure, go have fun." She turns back to him. "Do you need money for a ticket?"

Deidara shakes his head. "Nah, I got it."

She gives him a thumbs-up. "Good. Now get out of my sight, I'm tired!" she says half-jokingly.

With a broad smile, Deidara mumbles a 'love ya' and rushes back up to his room.

He texts Sasori back:  _see u there._

-x-

The next morning Deidara wakes up very early, even though the concert only starts at 8. He tries to go back to sleep, knowing he'll be dead tired otherwise, but fails. He feels so lively and energetic, even when still lying in bed.

At 15 past 6 he finally gives up and gets out of bed. It is cold in the room, especially in only the shorts he's wearing, yet even that doesn't lure him back to bed. He is full of will to do something.

Impatiently he gets on a shirt and pants and strolls downstairs. Mother is still asleep as expected and would probably be so for another three hours at least. Deidara takes advantage of it by cooking a breakfast of his own choice.

Pancakes!

His mother happens to hate them, so it is very rarely that Deidara gets a chance to eat them. He cannot remember the last time he got to taste them and is more than willing to make up for it.

After eating and cleaning up after himself, feeling happy and content, he plops down on the sofa and turns the TV on just in time for Sponge Bob.

Momentarily he frowns when thinking about his last memory related to the cartoon, which is Itachi telling him off and that he is acting too childish. He pushes the memory out of his head quickly, deciding  _not_ to let Itachi ruin another thing in his life, especially with the devil himself not present.

After a long while, he is finally having a good morning and he is not going to let that…  _asshole_ ruin it.

Around 10 o'clock Ms Iwaga sashays into the room, yawning behind her palm.

"Good morning!" Deidara chimes cheerfully, casting his mother a warm broad smile over his shoulder.

His mother halts on her way to the kitchen. "You seem oddly energetic. Did something happen?"

Deidara laughs and shrugs his shoulders. "Just excited about tonight, I guess."

"I see," the woman muses. "You really like that band?"

Deidara's face freezes for a moment. Is it because of the band? It takes so little for him to know the truth; he does like the band, but it has nothing to do with them. This is about a boy. And may God allow him to take that secret to the grave with him.

For a second paralyzing fear strikes through him and breath catches in his throat. A secret. It's a big secret. He can't tell anyone. Not only that, he can't let anybody  _find out_.

Because if they do, the word will spread like wild fire. He bites his lip without realizing it himself when thinking about it. He can imagine the rumour all too well.

_Deidara seen with another guy?! Is he CHEATING on Itachi?! Oh my fucking God, shit is about to get serious._

Deidara shivers. Silently he admits to himself that he is a coward. Because a brave person would have broken it off with Itachi a long time ago already. They would be in seventh heaven to have someone like Sasori show interest in them. They would not be sneaking to a concert with him, knowing nothing can ever come of it anyway.

What a coward.

"Deidara?" the woman reminds the teen of her existence. "I every-"

"Yeah, it's the band," Deidara cuts her off. So much for a good morning. Suddenly all the excitement inside him is dead and only anxiety and bitterness fills him.  _Why him?!_

"Uhm, I'll be up in my room," he mutters as he turns the TV off and gets off the sofa. He gives his mother a peck on the cheek to not seem as a total douche and leaves for the stairs. He goes to his room and slams the door shut, throwing himself on the bed.

Sleep seems like the greatest thing on Earth now. A paradise.  _Please, shut my mind._

-x-

The clock is yet to strike 5 when Deidara is already going through the things in his closet.  _What should I wear?_ he asks himself over and over.  _Does it even matter? Will he notice?_

Deidara wants to slap himself for the lovesick fool he sounded like; like a middle school girl with her first major crush. How can he be thinking of ways to draw the other's attention, if Sasori and he both know that there could nothing happen between them?! Regardless he is acting like he was dreaming of getting laid tonight.

Sighing, he slams his head against the door of the closet and closed his eyes. Where is he going with this; does he even know?

He reopens the doors and, without much more thought, digs out a pair of black jeans with knee holes and chains, a t-shirt and a leather jacket. Nothing fancy. If he really were going with Ino, he would probably wear these clothes, too.

So he brushes and does his hair, puts on some dark eyeliner and gets dressed.

He stuffs his wallet, mobile (after checking it) and keys in his pocket and jogs downstairs. The club is not too far from his home so he has decided to take his time and walk in order to save money for a cab later.

Saying goodbye to his mother who warns him not to stay out too late, he opens the front door and leaves the house.

-x-

There are guards waiting at the front door, asking for ID before letting people in. The show is 16+. Deidara sighs and shoves his hand in his pocket for his wallet, his eyes running over the crowd in search for a certain redhead. Instead of a wallet he pulls out his phone and quickly keys in a text:  _im here._

He hits send.

The phone vibrates in half a minute.

The new text reads  _i know. I can c u._

Deidara swirls around, scanning his surroundings. There are dozens of people but no one resembles the short redhead from his art class. Deidara heaves a sigh and gets his phone out again.

_Where?_

The reply is instant,  _Look harder._

Deidara's eyebrows furrow and he bites his lip. Does Sasori always play games like this? He gazes around again, trying harder. He can only see a group of leather-wearing guys, some teenage girls on heels, a few teens definitely under 16, some couples holding hands.

No sight of the redhead.

Deidara's eyebrows knit further in frustration. Giving up isn't his style. He eyes the group of leather-wearers more closely, wondering if Sasori could be with them. They are all pretty tall, though, and the one shorter than the others has dirty blonde hair.

Scanning the crowd once more to no avail, Deidara finally surrenders and gets his phone out.

"I'm disappointed, Deidara."

Deidara jumps at the sound and turns around in a flash, holding back a scream. Behind him, smiling a wickedly, stands Sasori, one hand in a pocket, the other holding a phone.

"I wasn't that hard to find."

Deidara looks like he just saw a ghost. He places his hand on his heart and lets out a breath. "Please," he says, "don't do that. Don't sneak up on me."

Sasori chuckles. "Sorry."

Deidara casts him a look. He doesn't look sorry at all. He decides to let it go and changes the topic. "Shall we go in?"

"I don't know," Sasori muses, "are you 16?" He casts the blond a mocking look.

Deidara casts a glare. "Going on 17," he snaps.

"Goodie," Sasori replies and motions with his hand for the other to lead the way.

The club is packed with teenagers and a warm-up band is playing on stage. Deidara deems their music cool, but nothing compared to the real thing. They have a long way to go.

Sasori grabs the blond's hand and drags him to the bar, ordering two drinks. He is asked for ID and, to Deidara's surprise, the bartender fills up two glasses after seeing the ID.  _Must be fake,_ Deidara thinks.

He frowns, since he didn't plan on drinking anything, even though he doesn't want to decline now that Sasori has already ordered. He gets out his wallet and starts to open it for cash, when Sasori notices it and shakes his head.

"I ordered, so it's on me," he says.

Deidara feels a pang of discomfort in the pit of his stomach. "Uhm, you do realize this can't be a date, right?" he says hesitantly, hoping to clarify things.

Sasori laughs. "Sure. Just wanted to thank you for coming. Here's a present to show my gratitude." He hands the blond a glass.

Deidara takes it reluctantly, his eyes on the redhead. The latter seems to be fooling around and doesn't seem to take any of this seriously, even when knowing what he's up against. So it probably isn't supposed to mean anything. And if he isn't worried, why should Deidara be?

Deidara takes a sip from the glass and feels himself relax a bit.  _I'm here to enjoy the night,_ he reminds himself and makes a promise,  _Tonight I won't worry about Itachi._

The band walks onto the stage and Deidara gasps at the sight. " _Oh my God,"_  he whispers, oblivious of Sasori's amused expression as he eyes the other's reaction. He follows the blond as he departs from the bar, heading towards the stage. Sasori keeps up, pressing through the crowd.

They start playing and Deidara is one of the overjoyed teens that starts singing along at the top of his lungs. Sasori keeps silent, appreciating the music and the cute guy next to him, enjoying himself to the fullest.

The crowd is loud and the artists love them.  _MAKE SOME NOISE_ the singer yells and his wish is granted.  _I CAN'T HEAR YOU._ The volume rises over 90 db.

_I know you shouldn't be here now_

_I know you do not care_

_Coz life's too short to waste it, babe_

_Hold on, we're almost there!_

_Over the mountain_

_And through the sea_

_We'll get to a place_

_Where we will be free_

_You'll forget about him_

_And you will see me_

_Finally_

_We'll get to a place_

_Where we'll be free_

As the songs go on and on, and the random touches between Sasori and Deidara get more often as the crowd gets crazier, Sasori gets sick of waiting and grabs the blond. Confusion has yet to register on the latter's face when his lips are harshly kissed, pressed against Sasori's like there is no tomorrow.

Deidara's immediate reaction is to pull away. Like  _what the hell is happening?!_ He can't be doing this! He's Itachi's boyfriend! What would Itachi do, if he saw them like this?

Then he recalls his earlier promise to himself: to not worry about his official boyfriend for this single night. And his mind starts to wander and inquire as to what it is that he really wants.  _Does_ he want Sasori to stop?

The warmth that began where their lips connected and spread throughout his whole body argues against this. Oh no, he certainly does not want him to stop. Quite the contrary, he wants him to continue doing this and never stop, never let go. He wants Sasori to wrap his arms around him and help -  _make_ him forget about his life.

Because his life has been just so,  _so_ bad and here he is - with Sasori, who is just so,  _so good._ How could he ever will him to stop, even when knowing that he is playing with fire and is putting his own life at stake?

Good. Let there be fire, Deidara has always been attracted to it. And let his life be at stake - he doesn't care much for it anyway. All he wants is Sasori, here and  _now._

Deidara responds to Sasori by moving his lips with his and opens them up to let the other's tongue in. Though in the noise the sound fades out, he emits a loud moan at the sensation that is Sasori wrapping his arms around him and pulling their bodies against each other tightly.

 _Please, do not stop_ , Deidara's mind whispers desperately and he wonders if this is what his first kiss would have been like, had he not been -  _captured -_ by Itachi. Because that is what Deidara thinks Itachi did. He captured him and is still holding him captive.

And this is the only way known to Deidara to escape the prison he was set in so long ago.

Sasori guides them through the crowd and away from the mass. In a side hallway where it is much quieter and there are no people around, Sasori finally releases him, only to make him back down against the wall and block his way out by capturing him between his arms.

Their eyes lock.

Deidara feels like he has to say something. His actions tonight might have been too confusing and misleading for the other. Truth is, the kiss does not mean that he is going to break it off with Itachi, no matter how hard he wishes he could. He can never be Sasori's and Sasori must know this.

But as Deidara starts to open his mouth, Sasori puts his index finger on his lips and shakes his head. "Don't say anything. I know." And the bitter look Deidara catches in Sasori's eyes makes him realize the other knows what he's talking about.

It disappears quickly, though, and is replaced by another, much more intimate emotion. And, without any further ado, he presses his lips against Deidara's again, letting them have their way with the other's.

"Don't worry, I won't hold you to it," Sasori whispers.

-x-

Deidara is incredibly nervous at school on Monday. He has dark circles below his eyes from lack of sleep and winces at even the smallest things. Which is why he nearly faints the moment Ino appears out of nowhere to shout "YO, DEIDARA" in his ear.

Once Deidara finally collects himself, he looks at Ino with a pale face and says in a weak, totally out-of-character tone, "Ino, please, I'm not feeling too well." Even Ino cannot ignore a plea as genuine as this.

"What's wrong?" she asks, the concern real in her voice. Despite everything that happens between her and Deidara, despite all the jealousy that hits her every single time she eyes the guy, she does consider Deidara one of her closest friends and what ever is off with the boy worries her.

"What?" Deidara says, as though he did not hear her properly. A half second later her words finally register in his brain. "Oh. Nothing. Nothing's wrong." He attempts a smile but fails miserably.

Ino shakes her head. "Cut the crap, boy. I'm not blind. It's so obvious you could have the words painted over your forehead."

"My forehead is covered," Deidara mutters, avoiding the question.

But Ino does not let him off that easy. "Is it Itachi?" she prompts. "Did he do something?"

Yes. Ruining lives. "No."

Ino eyes him skeptically. "Is it your mom then? Or did your fancy-named cat die? How long is he planning to live anyway? He's old as dirt."

Deidara rolls his eyes. Even when Ino is a failure when it comes to comforting, she makes up for it by doing a fairly good job at distracting him. "My cat is fine." He pauses, considering blaming his mood on mom, but thinks better of it. "Mom is, too."

Ino shakes her head. "Well, I'm out of ideas then."

They walk towards their classroom in silence. Something is tickling at Deidara's mind, he senses that something is out of the norm, but cannot place his finger on it. The worry lines between his eyebrows only deepen and he clutches his books tighter against his chest.

"Where's Itachi?" Ino broaches, gazing around at the masses of students hustling past them. "Haven't seen him around today. Did you spend the weekend together?"

Deidara shakes his head. "No."

Ino arches an eyebrow at him, as though the two guys spending time apart were the most extraordinary event of the year. "Who were you with then?"

Deidara's mind sets up a defensive role in an instant, making his answer far too quick, "No-one." His breath catches in his throat momentarily. Did he just lie? He exhales slowly, telling himself to chill and take it easy. He will get away with this. No-one saw them and Sasori will not rat on him. He repeats, slower this time, "I was with no-one. My head hurt and I felt sick. I stayed home."

"Oh," Ino mutters. "Too bad."

Deidara mumbles an agreeing sound. "What about you? What did you do?"

And Ino starts telling him all about how he had gone to a party with some biker boy she had met and how he had acted overly sweet and nice until it came down to the "do you want to come to my place? I've no-one home" sentence. At that point she had got fed up with him and told him off, walking off to find a new guy to hang with.

Deidara just nods along, glad that the girl doesn't need any encouragement to rant and that by doing so, spares him from having to tell more lies.

-x-

Art class is the period Deidara has been dreading the entire morning, but staring at the classroom door without entering and mumbling indistinct apologies to the people that push past to get in does not seem to be the solution to his problem. Sighing heavily, he pushes the handle down and opens the door.

Even from the doorway he notices the red mess of hair instantly at the back of the classroom and feels his heart sink a couple of miles. Why are his feet feeling so heavy all of a sudden, as though someone were holding them down? Why are his hands shaking and his whole body trembling, like he is running a fever? Deidara's hand wanders up to absent-mindedly touch his forehead just to check. Indeed, his face does feel hot.

Clutching the handle of his bag and averting his gaze to the floor, he gets moving and, maneuvering past the easels, makes his way to the redhead. Sasori can only give a welcoming  _Hi,_ before Deidara has already fished out his earphones and put them on. He nods vaguely at the other as a form of greeting and turns on his iPod, scrolling through his playlist fast to find a suitable song for blocking everything out. He puts the device in his back pocket and leaves to fetch his unfinished painting.

He returns shortly and, having prepared his tools in a record time, gets to work. He deems this to be the best way out of this mess.  _Ignore Sasori._   _Don't let him get inside your head again. He's trouble._

He is determined to paint the entire class non-stop, but what he accomplishes is lousy work. His hands are too tense and the lines he paints too rough. The more he tries to better them the worse they get. The harder he tries to focus, the more his mind begins to wander and after a while he catches himself holding back tears. He really feels like crying. This is too much for him, and the fact that he can almost  _feel_ the intensity of the gaze on him makes it no better.

Out of the blue it strikes him that he can't hear music from his earphones anymore. His hand reaches out for his pocket, only to find it empty. He swirls around, his eyes fixing on the redhead going through the contents of his device with significant interest.

After removing the earphones, Deidara can clearly hear the song he was currently listening to playing through the speakers. Fortunately, no-one is paying attention.

'… _wanna die_

_I'll never be good enough_

_You make me wanna die_

_And everything you love_

_Will burn up in the light_

_Every time I look inside your eyes_

_You-'_

"Do – you –  _mind?!_ " Deidara snaps with irritation, jerking the iPod out of Sasori's hand.

"No, I don't, actually," Sasori says, letting go of the music player and replacing his hands back in his pockets. Deidara glares at him, but it is disregarded. "Why're you listening to that kind of music?"

Deidara pauses the song and shoves the thing into his pocket. "What's wrong with my taste in music?" he snaps.

"So solemn," Sasori says. "You look more the kind to go for the cheerful stuff."

"Hey," Deidara stops him, "you  _think_ you know everyone s _o_ well, don't you? Well, guess what – you've-"

Sasori isn't paying attention. "Hey Monday, Metro Station, Sweetbox, Avril Lavigne – don't those sound good?"

Deidara growls, angered further by the other ignoring everything that he just said. He tries to push down his irritation and hopes that if he goes along with this, he'll eventually get his point across.

"In fact I  _do_ have Avril on my iPod, but seriously, you've  _no right_ to just-"

Sasori cuts him off once again, "Yeah, I can imagine. She's had her emo phase, too. 'My Happy Ending', right?"

That shuts the blond up. No way that was just a guess. He probably saw it on the playlist he was going through. Deidara has it there, there's no other way. Because, in all seriousness, that is the only song by Avril that Deidara has ever downloaded.

"You know, you really should break up with that dude," Sasori comments. "He is not making you happy."

That pops a vein on the blond's temple. "You know what? I don't give two damn fucks about what you think!"

"But I'm right, aren't I?" Sasori insists. "You've been tense ever since you got here and-"

"And how do you know that has anything to do with  _him?_ He's not here, is he? How do you know it's not  _you_ , being present and all?" Deidara cuts himself off with a startle. He had not meant to say that. He had not meant to reveal that Sasori can (and does) in any way affect him, no matter how obvious it might be.

Sasori cocks his head and smirks, fully aware of the other's slip. "Ah – but that's the thing! I  _don't_ make you miserable. I could see it at the concert. Bet you haven't had that much fun ever since you started dating that creep."

Another bull's eye.

Deidara swallows.

Sasori continues, "Yet you're always solemn with him. I've seen it."

Deidara turns his head away, rapidly blinking to hold the tears back. "So" - he coughs – "you're a stalker?" His voice is barely a whisper, even though he wished with all his might for it to come across as tough and mocking.

Sasori rolls his eyes. "If that makes me a stalker, then that's what the entire student body here is.  _Everyone_ can see it. I bet even the teachers, even though they choose not to say anything."

"Oh yeah?" Deidara turns to him sharply. "And how come you're always  _so_ sure? How do you know that it's not one of my friends I'm having trouble with?"

Sasori raises his eyebrows. "You mean those lapdogs Itachi hangs around with? Yeah, I'm sure you talk a lot with them."

"I do have friends of my own!" Deidara snaps, ready to say just about anything to get the other to shut up. Even though, after some serious mathematical calculations, a quiet voice inside his head informs him of his total number of friends being 1.

Ino.

And even she would not hesitate to sell his soul, if the price were acceptance among her peers.

This realization is too much for the blond and he bursts to tears right before Sasori's eyes.

Sasori is taken aback greatly and becomes quiet at once. Helplessly he gazes at the other weeping in front of him, finding himself at a total loss of words. "Deidara-" he tries and reaches out, only to have his hand batted away mercilessly.

"Stand back!" Deidara snarls. "Don't touch me! Just –  _go away_! Leave!"

Sasori blinks, unsure of how to respond to this.

Deidara, seeing as he has shocked the other speechless, decides to follow his own advice. He packs up as quickly as possible and, as if on cue, the bell rings. He flees, leaving his still uncompleted painting behind. That, and a very perplexed Sasori.

-x-

Later on, Deidara is walking down the hallway with his earphones back in his ears. Itachi has still not yet shown and Ino has disappeared somewhere, which leaves the blond alone. Sasori was right – Deidara never does speak with the people that usually surround him and Itachi. Even the nickname 'lapdogs' was justified. Deidara sees them the same way, he just did not want to admit to the redhead being right.

Deidara turns up the volume, letting the acoustic music blast into his head from both his ears.

'… _I've broken all my promises to you_

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

_You make it hard to smile because you make it hard to breathe._

_Why do you do this to me?'_

Usually it would be Itachi's macho face that pops up in Deidara's mind at the lyrics, but this time there's another male to accompany him, dominate and finally push the senior out completely. The intruder has red hair.

Deidara sighs, hating himself for not being able to forget about him. His grip around the device tightens. This playlist was composed to help him cope with Itachi and all the stress and emotions that came with him. He is not prepared yet to deal with Sasori. He's not ready. He needs to get away.

He searches for a distraction and, as though to answer his prayer, his stomach growls in hunger. It is lunch break and he has not gone to the canteen yet, nor does he plan on doing it. Initially it was because he did not think he could stomach more than all the emotions that were already hogging the space. Now he has come up with a new purpose – focusing on the emptiness of his stomach is a great distractions from both guys.

He is just about to turn the corner when he notices the big group of students up ahead.  _How weird,_ he thinks, for they're two floors above the canteen and cafeteria. Curiosity gets the best of him and he decides to take a look.

Nearing the cluster, he sees that there is a loop that the crowd is surrounding and in the middle there are two figures, who appear to be enraged. Deidara removes an earphone to hear what they are saying, once he recognizes them.

"Areyou fucking BLIND, man?! Can't you see that he nearly despises you? He's just too scared to say it! You can't possibly be this full of yourself!"

Deidara feels his body starting to tremble as he takes in the words shouted by the redhead. For the moment he cannot fear the outcome of all this; he is too struck by amazement at how flawlessly the redhead reads him. And, unlike Deidara,  _he_ has the courage to say it all out loud.

 _But of course,_ a voice in Deidara's head says,  _it's not like_ he  _is the one to be affected by his words._

The fear catches up with Deidara's train of thought and he clasps his mouth as his eyes move to the other side of the argument. Never before has he seen Itachi so out of his own element. He is completely astonished, too taken aback by this short punk who shows the guts to stand up to him to use his usual methods.

He finally gets out, "Who the  _fuck_ are you?" Clearly Itachi is not as knowledgeable when it comes to the student body as the newcomer redhead is.

Before Sasori can reply, a voice hidden in the crowd shouts, "Hey, look! There's Deidara! Get him in there to see his two boyfriends fighting!"

_TWO boyfriends…?_

Deidara is given no time to respond. Hands grab him and push him out into the loop, almost tripping him. Eyes wide, he looks at the two guys, both staring at him. Itachi is undoubtedly startled to have someone claim ownership on the toy he has declared to be his for over a year. Sasori, on the other hand, seems quite pleased with the current of events.

"Deidara," Itachi is the first to speak, "do you know this guy?"

Deidara's eyes flicker to Sasori and he knows that lying would do him no good. "Yes," he all but whispers. "I'm in art class with Sasori."

"Is he your friend? Why have you never told me about him? What does he-?"

There he went with his control freak attitude again, the one that Deidara loathes so much. His fists curl up in fists as he listens on, clueless of what to tell him.

He is – more or less – saved from that by Sasori, for the latter takes the liberty to reply for him.

"We're friends," he says, disregarding the glare he receives from the senior. "Went to a concert together this weekend. Is there a problem with that? Is Deidara not  _allowed_ to do that?"

The emphasis he puts on his words indicate straight at what Deidara has always been thinking – Itachi is a control freak.

" _Deidara?_ " Itachi bellows, demanding to get an answer from the blond himself. "Is all of this true?"

Deidara senses himself starting to snap. He has had it coming for so long and now, given the courage he has needed from Sasori, he is finally ready to say what is on his mind out loud.

"Yes!" he snaps loudly. "It is true."

Itachi's eyes narrow at him. "And why wasn't I-?"

"Why weren't you told?!" Deidara finishes the sentence for him, the words flowing out of his mouth on their own accord. For once he is not afraid; he finally feels like he can say what he wants and everything that has been stored in his mind is ready to come out. "Because you don't fucking  _own_ me! I'm not your property! And why did I go out with him? Because you wouldn't! Hell, all we ever do is what  _you_ want! You never even show interest in what I'd like to do! All you care about is having me around like a pet, - or an accessory to show off with! As a person I don't matter to you  _at all_! And I'm so sick of it!  _I fucking HATE you, Itachi!_ "

And with those words, Deidara runs and, pushing through the crowd, flees the place before anyone can stop him. He leaves the schoolhouse and calls for a taxi to come pick him up.

Oh God, he does not want to go back there. Ever.

* * *

_To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

Deidara is woken up by his cell phone vibrating in his back pocket. Lazily he rolls over and finds his face buried in the familiar sheets of his bed. He fell asleep?

What's going on?

He hasn't even changed out of his school outfit yet. He has the same pair of jeans and a plain black T-shirt on. There used to be a time he amused himself with dressing up for school, but the interest faded when Itachi came around. Deidara vaguely wonders why… Was that his subconscious trying to repel him away?

He pulls out his mobile and switches the screen on. The light momentarily blinds him. The next moment he is frowning while eyeing the digital clock in the upper right corner of the screen. 7AM already? He has slept in? He eyes the new notification announcing a new message and soon realizes that he has a whole dozen of them. Surely there must be a reason for all this… Deidara never leaves texts unanswered, much less does he ever sleep in.

He flips back onto his back and scrapes his hand across his face. He still has his makeup on… God he must look like a mess right now.

 _You should see your life,_ a small voice in the back of his head whispers.

Deidara's hand stops at his mouth to muffle the scream that was about to come out as the events of the previous day come rushing back to him. Gripping the mobile so hard it might crack, he punches the wall beside his bed. More muffled screams escape from his mouth and he keeps kicking and punching the wall until the sudden rage finally dies out and he is left feeling completely hollow inside.

Blue eyes tear up and Deidara releases his mouth, because the sobs that come out now are as soundless as they are lifeless. It seems like Deidara doesn't have enough energy left inside of him to even voice the cries for help. How miserable he must look in the eyes of his Guardian Angels.

He rolls onto his side and regards his phone for once more. The notification still hasn't left the screen, but Deidara has no interest in knowing what the text contains. He doesn't want to talk to anyone, because he knows there is no-one out there that could help him. Those who could once, ignored his cries, and the newcomers have come too late.

Deidara turns off his phone. In the back of his mind he can hear his late grandma growl, "Kids and their phones these days. Only trouble, that's what they are!" She never specified who she saw as trouble – either the phones or the kids. Deidara now knows she was right either way.  _I'm sorry, Grandma,_ Deidara sobs into his pillow.  _You were much smarter than I ever gave you credit for._

A knock on the door startles him. He looks up swiftly, quickly wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

"Deidara?"

 _God, no,_ Deidara thinks as he moves as quickly under the sheets, trying to make as little noise as possible. Briefly he looks around for handkerchiefs, but after not spotting them in the first two seconds, he gives up. He closes his eyes and buries his head beneath the sheets.

"Deidara? Are you still asleep?"

The door is opened. Deidara can hear his mother halt in the doorway, sigh at the sight of the messy bundle of sheets with him under them, and walk up to the bed.

"Just when I think you're old enough to get up on your own, you just go and sleep in again – Dei, you never change." She puts a hand on his torso and shakes it slightly. "Dei? Dei! Time to wake up, kiddo. You've slept in again. Time for school. If you hurry, you'll make it to the second-"

 _It's now or never,_ Deidara thinks as he pushes the sheets aside slowly, trying to put on the weakest expression he has got. "M-mom?" His voice is shaky. Good.

"Yes, honey," Ms Iwaga says as she pulls down the sheets. "Or were you expecting someone else? Santa? Dei, I assure you – Dei?!" she gasps when seeing her son's face. "You slept with your makeup on? Why? Did you sneak out while I was asleep?"

"M-moom," Deidara whines, turning his face into his pillow, but is stopped by his mother's hand.

"Don't do that! You're ruining the covers! Dei, what's wrong?" She sounds worried. This gives Deidara courage. It might actually work.

"Mom, I'm not feeling too good." The statement couldn't be more precise. Frankly, Deidara feels like shit, but he knows better than to express himself in such way in front of his mother. "I fell asleep last night like this," he adds in a weak voice. "Right after dinner. I don't think I want to go to school today. Can I stay home?"

"Oh, honey," Ms Iwaga sighs as she rubs the upper part of Deidara's cheek gently where the makeup has smeared. "You look like you've been crying. Is everything alright?"

Deidara looks into his mother's eyes wordlessly. They're so warm, so caring, almost managing to make him feel like he really  _should_ tell her everything. After all, there's no-one else in this world that cares as much about him as she does. Would it really be such a bad thing to tell her everything about Itachi, about  _Sasori_  and all the horrors he has to endure in school? Wouldn't that solve everything – or at least something? Surely she must have more ideas than him, for his total is a very round zero.

Deidara stares at her face, trying to find any clues to whether it would still look as caring, if he told her he is gay. Would his mother still be the same loving woman she has been so far?

A distant memory flashes in the boy's mind of his best friend in kindergarten – Kisame, an eccentric and cheerful young boy – and him hugging. It had been a simple and innocent thing for them to do as they believed themselves to be the best friends in the world and swore never to separate. The oath became mere words the moment Ms Iwaga caught them – Deidara had never seen her mother so enraged before in his life. She literally tore her son away from the young boy and the two youngsters never saw each other again.

Deidara never got to say goodbye as he never returned to that kindergarten. His mother had him change nurseries in a week and until then he stayed with his grandma.

Deidara believes this memory to be the answer to his question and, with a heavy heart, nods his head. "It was just because of the headache. It was awful."

Ms Iwaga heaves another concerned sigh. "Shall I bring you some Tylenol?" she asks, getting up from the bed.

"Yes, please," Deidara whispers and rolls onto his other side.  _No-one can help him._

"I'll be right back, dear," Ms Iwaga says as she leaves the room.

_No-one._

-x-

"Deidara!" Ms Iwaga's voice yells from downstairs, making the blond boy look up from his laptop in his room. He checks the computer clock. 6PM. Mother has just arrived from work.

Deidara can hear her steps coming up the stairs. Quickly he shuts the laptop and pushes it under his bed. He lies down just in time for his mother to enter the bedroom.

"Deidara!" she says, obviously in a bad mood. Deidara wonders, if it's because of work and prays his mother hasn't come to vent to him.

"Yes?"

"Let me see-" she trails off and reaches out to touch Deidara's forehead. She feels it for a few seconds, then draws her hand back.

"See," she says, "I'm tired of your so-called illness. You've no fever, no sore throat, and your nose isn't running either. Tomorrow you're going to school."

Her words fill Deidara with dread. Back to school? Tomorrow? He is not ready for it!

"No, but mom - you don't understand!" Deidara argues back, but his mother cuts him off.

"What don't I understand?" she snaps. "If you're so sick, how about I take you to the doctor?"

That did it. There's only one thing in this world that Deidara hates more than Itachi and that's doctors. His parent knows it. Oh, how bad Deidara hates where this is going.

"So, we clear?"

Wordlessly Deidara nods his head.

"And don't worry - I'll wake you up myself so you don't miss the bus," Ms Iwaga says before closing the door after herself.

Deidara slams his head into the pillow.

-x-

The hallways are crowded as usual, full of boys laughing loudly and girls giggling. They are all dressed up the way the find the most suitable as the school is missing a dress code. Among all of them trying to impress and attract each other is a boy hidung under a hood, doing everything in his capabilty to remain anonymous.

Deidara has done everything to differ from his usual self. He is not wearing any makeup, which must be a first, and all his blonde hair - including the bang - is in a ponytail hidden under the hood. He is wearing the widest jeans he owns, which are straight cut, as opposed to his usual skinny jeans. He keeps his hands in pockets and head down to melt into the crowd.

For the first two periods he has been able to avoid his acquintances, but it is obvious that his luck can only last this long...

"Dei?" a female voice gasps as he reaches his class. Deidara knows that he cannot hide from this person and comes to a stop in front of her. Slowly he looks up at Ino, mentally preparing himself for the worst.

"What's happened to you?! Where have you been? I haven't seen you since Monday! Tell me - quit staring!" Ino's face grumpled up in a grimace as the blond had merely been listening to her and not saying anything. "What happened?" she demands. "And what's up with this new look? Does Itachi know his boyfriend is strolling around looking like a hobo?"

Deidara frowns. It's true he wanted to look as unnoticable as possible, but she doesn't have to put it that harshly!

"What would he think if he saw you like this?"

"Nothing," Deidara finally says.

"What do you mean nothing?!" Ino exclaims. "Why the hell-"

"I broke up with him," Deidara mutters almost inaudibly. Because that is what he thinks he did. He finally made his distaste clear to the other.

"WHAT?!"

A sharp slap catches Deidara in the cheek unexpectedly.

"YOU IDIOT!" Ino shouts the same moment Deidara exclaims, "What was that for?!"

"I can't believe you! You have everything, EVERYTHING you could possibly wish for at school, you're at the top of the foodchain - and you just throw it all away like it's-"

"Yeah, I've everything," Deidara snaps, "except for a friend that actually gives a shit about  _me_ , not just my glorious relationship!"

For a moment there is intense silence between the two, until Deidara just pulls the hood even lower to cover more of his face and marches off to class.

-x-

Deidara is facing a big dilemma. Does he skip art or not? On the one hand, he vould get in trouble and the last thing he wants is trouble with his art teacher, his most favorite teacher yet. On the other hand, confronting Sasori after what happened has a taste of suicide. Deidara is conviced he will die, should he have to talk with the redhead again.

Then again it is clear that he cannot keep running away, especially since his mother refuses to let him change schools. So he will have to confront him sooner or later anyway. And it would be ridiculous to think that putting it off is going to better anything.

With a nauseous feeling in his stomach, Deidara enters the class.

He heads straight to the stack of students' works, takes his almost finished painting, walks to his easel, careful to always have his back on Sasori's, so that when he finishes setting everything ready he still has no idea if the redhead is present or not. And that's for the best, he tells himself, dipping his brush in red paint.

"Hey," a familiar voice says not too long after from behind him, making the blond gringe. Fortunately, Deidara has foreseen this and knows exactly what to do. He simply pretends like he didn't hear the other and continues working.

"Deidara? Deidara?"

Do. Not. React, Deidara repeats to himself mentally over and over until his own voice in his head blocks out the redhead's.

"Look - I'm sorry for what I did. I only meant well. I could -"

Deidara forces himself not to listen. His words are too sweet, too good to be true for him. Now that he has got rid of Itachi, Deidara wants to avoid relationship for a long time. They only bring misery and he has had enough of that.

Finally, knowing the redhead is starting to get to him, he digs out his iPod and earphones. He can hear the other sigh before putting his newest playlist on play.

Deidara can tell that the lesson is over by the students starting to pack up. He does not hurry, though, but continues giving his painting some final touches to make sure Sasori is gone by the time he turns around.

When he sees the redhaired boy finally disappear into the crowd of students flowing out of the classroom, he heaves a sigh and puts down his brush. He gathers the things needing to be cleaned and turns around to head to the sink, but stops abruptly when he notices his bag carelessly tossed on the ground before him. There is a box on it and a note. Deidara regards it cautiously, then hurries to the sink, as though he thinks the suspivious box poisonous.

He approaches it again when he is finshed with putting his things away. He squats down and picks it up.

There is a white envelope on what turns out to be a box of chocolates. He is just about to open the envelope, when his teacher's voice calls for his attention, "Deidara! I have to lock the door now. If you were so nice and hurry up a notch - yes, thank you, dear-"

Deidara has picked up his bag and the box with the envelope. Muttering a quick apology, he rushes past his teacher and disappears from her sight.

Deciding to skip lunch again, Deidara picks an isolated spot in the library to open the envelope. Inside he finds a concert ticket and a short note, which reads the following:

I'm sorry.

Please go with me?

Deidara examines the ticket and sees that it is to a show on Saturday at the same club he visited last weekend. He sighs, puts both the note and ticket down and rests his head against the wall behind him.

Why me?

-x-

Deidara only leaves his solitude in the library when he is convinced that he cannot put it off anymore or else he would be late for class. He packs his stuff and leaves, the present and note at the bottom of his bag.

The moment he turns the corner to enter the hallway his next classroom is in, he regrets leaving so early and not risking staying late immediately. He even considers making a run for it, but contemplates too long and misses his chance.

Because Itachi, who is waiting in front of the classroom with his followers, has already noticed him.

Bowing his head and resigning himself to his treadsome fate, he reluctantly continues down the hallway towards his class. Knowing there's no way for him to walk past the group since they are literally blocking the exit, he comes to a stop in front of Itachi and raises his head the slightest possible to make eye contact.

"Hey," he mumbles.

Itachi looks uncertain, which catches Deidara's attention. The older male is nothing if not confidence itself. He cannot recall a time he has seen Itachi hesitate about anything. He patiently waits for whatever is coming next.

Itachi finally says after a long silence, "I'm not used to this. It must be a first, but, uh" - he coughs, covering his mouth with a fist and momentarily glancing away before bringing out a single rose from behind his back - "I'm sorry."

Deidara stares at him in disbelief. He takes norice of Itachi refusing to meet his eyes while saying those words and holding out the rose for him. With hesitation Deidara accepts the rose, yet says nothing.

He has no idea what he should say or do. Fortunately it looks like Itachi isn't done just yet.

"I - uhm - wanted to know if there was anything you'd like to do this weekend. Together, I mean. A concert, perhaps? Or - uhm - the movies?"

It is such an extraordinary sight seeing Itachi out of his element like this, searching his mind for the right words, that if Deidara wasn't as shocked as he inevitably is, he would laugh.

When Itachi finally looks at him, Deidara knows it is his turn to say something. The shock had him at a complete loss of words, though.

"I - uhm - this is very unexpected," he finally manages. "Would you give me some time to think?"

Itachi looks genuinely relieved. "Of course, Deidara. No hurry, take your time."

Deidara nods thoughtfully.

"I, uhn, do need to get to class now, though," he mumbles, sticking his index finger at the door.

Without missing a beat, Itachi steps aside. "Of course." The way he moves makes him seem overly formal, like he is working for the government and guiding a foreign minister through the White House. "I'll see you."

Deidara nods again, awkwardly passing the other by as he bites his lower lip. "Yeah, see you."

"Oh, and Deidara-"

Deidara stops in his tracks to look back.

Itachi gives him one of his rare smiles. "I'm glad you're back. I missed you."

-x-

Sitting in his room, Deidara regards the rose now sitting in a vase on his desk with mixed feelings. Itachi apologized. And he actually went out of his way to get him a rose. Deidara is having a hard time believing it. Is it the same Itachi or did he get swapped with an alien while he was away?

The fact that he still chose to carry it all out in public in front of his followers confirms him being the same person that was told off by Sasori. But Deidara was so shocked back then that he hardly noticed it.

Maybe people could change, Deidara thinks. Maybe Itachi doesn't regard him as a mere accessory after all. Would he have done all this if he did?

The mobile on his desk starts vibrating. Deidara picks it up instantly.

"Hello?"

"Deidara?" The blond recognizes Sasori's voice.

"Yeah," Deidara replies and shifts uneasily in his seat. Bringing Sasori back to the picture where Itachi has tried to make up for everything makes him feel uncomfortable.

"Did you get my note? And the other - things?"

Deidara doesn't like where this is going. He remembers that the ticket was for Saturday, the same day when Itachi asked him on a date.

"Uhm - I guess, yeah."

"You guess?"

Deidara amends himself quickly, "I mean, I did. Yes. Thank you. So much."

He hears the redhead chuckle on the other end of the line. "Is that a yes?"

Deidara doesn't catch up that fast. "A yes to what?"

"The concert," Sasori reminds him.

"Oh..."

Deidara is not sure how to say it, but he feels that it is for the best to be honest with the other. "Uhn, I'm very sorry, but actually - this weekend isn't that good."

Deidara can hear the surprise in Sasori's voice. "Why? You've already made plans?"

Well, technically those newly made plans are fresher than Sasori's tickets, but Deidara thinks that telling the other that would be taking it too far.

"No," he says. He then does a double take on what he just said. "I mean yes! I do have plans already."

"Oh." Sasori sounds disappointed. "What're you gonna do? Family stuff?"

From the guess Deidara realizes how little Sasori is aware of the newest updates and Deidara considers letting it stay that way. Then again, he is sure that the redhead would find out sooner or later, just like Itachi found out about the last concert Deidara went to, and that it would be much worse than giving it to him straight now, so he decides to stay honest till the end.

"Itachi asked me out."

There is a short silence. In the next words Deidara can hear unmistakable rage.

"You're still giving that asshole a chance?!"

Deidara is taken aback by the outburst. "It's not like that!" he defends immediately. "He apologized! Even gave me a rose! I-"

"Oh and I'm sure he changed into a completely new person in these few days and will change all his ways now for you," Sasori snaps with sarcasm. "Wake up, Deidara! Things like that don't just happen!"

"No, Sasori, you got it all wrong-" Deidara's voice sounds like a plea. "I-"

"What did I get wrong? You despise him, Deidara! Yet you're still giving him chances he doesn't deserve!"

"He even let me choose-"

"Fine, whatever," Sasori cuts him off mercilessly. "Suit yourself. You can keep the ticket and sell it or whatever. Bye."

"Sasori, wait-!"

But that train is already gone and the redhead has hung up.

-x-

Since going to a concert with Itachi would flood Deidara's mind with memories of the last concert he went to, he picks going to the movies. He chooses an action film, hoping it won't completely ignore Itachi's tastes.

The older male gives no comment or reaction when hearing the name of the movie, so Deidara doesn't really know what to make of it. He deems it for the best to just let it go.

He really enjoys the film. Nothing like good old Bruce Willis and his epic comebacks to everything. When the credits come on and the lights are turned on again, Deidara can honestly say he has had a good night out.

They exit the theatre. Deidara is about to turn to Itachi to thank him, then take a taxi home, when a group of teens - or rather young adults, since they don't look like highschoolers - show up. They start talking to Itachi before the blond can say anything and it quickly becomes clear they are aqcuintances.

Deidara closes his mouth without saying anything and keeps his head low. He is being patient while they talk so he doesn't come across as rude and waits for them to leave.

However, things end up taking a different turn when a tall, dark-haired guy suggests going to a nearby bar. Deidara doesn't even realize things are getting bad again befpre he hears Itachi say, "We'll make it my treat."

They are already going. No-one has asked Deidara for his opinion, yet he is being dragged along by Itachi with a group of strangers. He wants to speak up, but every tims a chance appears he hesitates and loses it. Overall the group of men all taller and older than him scares him.

So he doesn't say anything and lets things go their own way. He just wishes Itachi stopped doing this, because this isn't the first time and Deidara truly despises it. He is determined to make it the last time, though, and talk to Itachi afterwards.

The bar is quite crowded due to it being a Saturday night, but they still manage to get a free table. As promised, it is Itachi's treat, so everyone is told not to hold back when ordering. Glasses of beer are set down in front of everybody, even Deidara, although he didn't want one.

Everything is going fine, even though it's quite noisy, until one of the group notices Deidara's full glass.

"What, is this tiny little beer too strong for you?"

Deidara stares at him, embarrassed. For a second he can feel everyone's attention being on him and that makes him very uncomfortable.

Perhaps that is the reason why he blurts out the first thing to come to his mind - the truth.

"I don't drink," he says.

For a moment, there is silence and then, before anyome can react to it, the asker takes the beer and splashes it all in the blond's face.

"Eh, what about now?"

And everyone laughs.

Deidara has frozen still. He can feel the gross liquid everywhere - his face, his lips, his hair. He turns to Itachi for help, but he is just chuckling amd enjoying the prank like everyone else.

Deidara gets up from the table. It is difficult, because he is wedged between two people, but somehow he manages. He runs for the door without looking back once.

It has started raining. The rain drops mix with the boy's tears as he runs, unaware of where he is going. He cannot believe how stupid he has been. He gave Itachi -  _Itachi_ \- another chance, just because of a stupid rose! He  _loathes_ Itachi! How could he have forgotten what an ass he is?

Deidara slows down when he reaches a bus stop and sits down under the shelter. Wiping his nose with the back of his hand, he gets out his phone and looks up a number in the contacts. He presses the call button.

"Hello?"

Deidara's breath catches in his throat. "Sasori?" he whispers in a shaky tone.

"Deidara?" the redhead sounds surprised. "Are you - crying?"

There is silence as Deidara does not answer.

"I'm going to murder that bastard," Sasori growls under his breath. "Where are you?"

"No, Sasori-" Deidara hesitates. "Can I come over?"

It takes Sasori a bit to answer.

"Yeah, sure," he finally says. "How will you get here?"

Deidara smiles, wiping his nose again. "I'll take a bus. Or a taxi. Depending on where you live."

Sasori tells him the address.

"I know where that is. I'll see you in a bit."

"Good," Sasori mutters. "See you."

"Oh wait!"

"Hm?"

"Is - is it really okay if I come? Okay with your parents and all?"

Sasori sounds amused when answering. "Yeah, yeah. It'll be fine. I live with an old hag and she is as deaf as she is blind, so she won't mind."

In the background Deidara can hear someone yell something indistinct. Sasori chuckles.

"Love you, too, Granny!" He then says to Deidara, "I'll be waiting."

Deidara, a bit taken aback by all this, doesn't have anything better to say than, "Oh. Alright."

"See you."

The call is ended.

-x-

Deidara is soaked to the bone by the time he reaches Sasori's house. After coming off thw bus he still had to walk several blocks. But now that he is here and ringing the bell, Sasori opens the door so promptly, as though he has been waiting by the door all this time.

Deidara is pulled inside quickly and the door is shut behind him.

"Man, you are soaked," Sasori mutters as he regards the other from head to toe. Deidara is somewhat glad for the fact, because that way it doesn't show too much that he has been crying.

He shrugs. "Yeah, rain can do that to you," he mutters and raises his gaze. His eyes lock with Sasori's and the redhead gives him a smirk. Deidara returns a small smile.

"Come," Sasori says, "you can dry yourself off in the bathroom. I'll find you some dry clothes to put on."

In the bathroom the first thing Deidara does is strip out of his wet clothes. Next he goes through all the shelves and counters, searching for a makeup remover. The rain has thoroughly smudged his mascara and eyeliner, making him look like a panda. Unfortunately, finding a makeup remover in a house inhabited by an elderly woman and his grandson is about as likely as finding a condom in a lesbian's house.

Deidara sighs and settles for a shower, cleaning his face the best he can with a shower gel.

There is a knock on the door.

"Deidara?" Sasori calls. "I'll leave the clothes behind the door."

Deidara closes the tap. "Yeah, okay!"

He wrings out his hair and grabs a towel. Tying it around his waist, he steps out of the shower and goes to the door. Cold air sends chills down his body when he cracks the door open and peeks out. There is no one in sight in the dim hallway, but he can hear indistinct voices and the quiet sound of a TV from down the hall.

He grabs the clothes and closes the door again.

Sasori has brought him a pair of gray boxers and a loose plain T-shirt. He puts them on and ties the towel around his head like a turban. He prefers letting his hair dry off on their own instead of damaging them with the heat of a hairdryer.

Deidara picks up his own wet clothes and leaves the bathroom, turning off the lights on his way.

He follows the sound of the voices to a room with its door only an inch open. From that crack a small ray of light makes its way into the dark hallway.

Deidara stays quiet and moves towards the light, peeking in through the crack. He spots an elderly woman lying on a sofa, Sasori sitting in an armchair, both of their attention focused on television.

Deidara's gaze lingers on the redhead a bit longer than it should. He cannot help it, the other just takes his breath away. Oh, how bad he wishes he be there with him, sitting on his lap...

The blond heaves a sigh.

Both the redhead and the woman's heads snap towards him in an instant. With a startle Deidara backs down a step. How the hell did they notice him so fast? That brief moment their gazes had been on him, they'd looked so intense and cold, almost horrifying… What the hell?

Deidara takes a deep breath to compose himself.

He is acting ridiculous. And a bit belatedly embarrassment swipes over him when he realizes what kind of an impression he was leaving.

He feels himself flush and the feeling drives out all his fear.

Shyly he knocks on the door and opens it.

"Uhm, sorry," he mutters almost inaudibly, eyes cast down. "I'm done now." Reluctantly he looks up from his feet and is almost surprised to find both pairs of eyes looking at him friendly and welcoming. Where did the coldness in them go? The boy can't find a trace of them now. He almost slaps himself for his too vivid imagination.

Sasori has stood up and is walking towards him. Deidara looks at him and feels himself blush again. He can only see Sasori, and then onlu focus on his face, his eyes... Deidara feels like he's being sucked right into them, he can't turn away.

Cautiously he takes a step back but Sasori takes his hand before he can get far, his smile baring his snow-white teeth, so perfect like a vampire's...

"Deidara, this is my grandmother Chiyo," Sasori introduces them briefly. "Chiyo, this is Deidara."

Chiyo nods in acknowledgment. "Pleasure to meet you, Deidara."

"Uhuh..." is the best Deidara can get out, even though he hardly even heard what the woman said. It's like he's mesmerized.

His knees are starting to feel weak.

He notices Sasori frown and is then pulled towards the door.

"Come, Dei, I'll show you my room," Sasori says.

"Uhuh..."

The door is shut after them.

In the hallway, in the darkness, Deidara feels like he can finally breathe again. He feels a bit unsteady and has to catch his breath. The air feels so fresh and cold in the hallway, even though it can't be colder than the average room temperature. His head finally clears.

Deidara blinks a couple of times and then looks up at Sasori who has been monitoring him this whole time, an indescribable look in his eyes.

"Sorry," Deidara says, "I was just feeling - a bit dizzy." He scratches the back of his head nervously; an old habit of his.

"Follow me, please?" Sasori walks past him towards the stairs.

The unexpected formality perturbs Deidara and he catches himself rubbing his arm nervously; another habit of his.

He follows the redhead to the stairs, where the lights are switched on. They illuminate the stairway and shine bright into the dark corridor from upstairs.

The two walk in silence.

Deidara feels drowsy. He absentmindedly wonders if he should ring his mother already and when she would be expecting him home. It is a weird coincidence that both him and Sasori are living alone with a female relative, there is only the generation gap-

A thought strikes the blond and he comes to a halt with a startle.

Sasori's grandmother, the woman in the living room he just met a minute ago - he cannot remember what she looks like.

-x-

Sasori's room is unexpectedly tidy. For some reason, perhaps the other's messy red hair, Deidara was expecting a rather chaotic room with clothes on the floor and books stacked in an unorganized way on the desk.

On the contrary, all the books are set in such a perfect row without a gap in the shelf that Deidara doubts they have ever been taken out of there. However, there is not a trace of dust visible on any of the books. The desk is as organized as the rest of the room and the sheets on the bed are wrinkleless, as though they have been ironed that way.

Sasori notices the astonished look on the blond's face and inquires, "Something wrong?"

Deidara glances at him for a brief moment and shakes his head. "No, nothing. It's just... clean."

Sasori raises an eyebrow. "Clean?" He sounds confused.

Deidara nods. "Yeah, quite unlike my own," he admits in embarrassment to hide what he is actually thinking. That the redhead's room looks like no-one lives there.

"Tell me what happened," Sasori demands more than asks once they have sat down on his bed.

Deidara ignores the forceful tone and sighs. He begins describing the evening from the very beginning when he met up with Itachi and how everything was going well until the other's friends came along. He can see the redhead tense when he gets to the incident in the bar and decides at the last moment to leave it unmentioned that this wasn't the first time things like that have happened. He was even embarrassed to admit it to himself that he'd actually had hoped. He had believed that Itachi had changed.

Deidara feels so stupid.

He finished the story with a lame "and uh yeh…" and looks down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers. He doesn't dare to look up at the redhead, mostly because he is ashamed of himself and knows very well that the whole evening is his own fault. He could have avoided all this had he not been so stupid and had just gone with Sasori instead.

He just now realizes that Sasori never went to the concert, not without him…

"I'm gonna kill that bastard," Sasori growls under his breath so quietly that it is near inaudible. "And his lapdogs are next on the list."

Deidara looks up with wide eyes and is terrified to see that he hadn't imagined the cold, heartless look in Sasori's eyes before - it's real and it's staring right at him.

"Oh, no, no, no, no," Deidara hurriedly says, not for a second doubting that the redhead is serious. The following words flow out of his mouth in a rush, "You can't do that! You can't get yourself in trouble because of me! It's nothing, I'm not even hurt! I'm fine! They're not worth it -  _I'm_ not worth it-" Deidara notices the redhead's cold eyes narrow even more and he quiets, unable to continue. He can see that it's not working. His voice is barely a whisper when he begs, "Please, don't do that. Please."

Sasori's expression doesn't change. His eyes are cold as ice while they still seem aflame with anger. He looks like an ancient stone statue with his beautiful features that have been twisted into an enraged grimace. But even like that, he still takes Deidara's breath away.

Deidara moves slowly. With caution he raises a hand and moves it closer to the redhead's face. He presses his fingers softly against Sasori's cheek and observes as the anger in the other's eyes begins to dissolve. Brown eyes become softer and Sasori cocks his head a bit, leaning in on the touch.

"Please, don't do that," Deidara begs, his voice throaty with emotion. He doesn't want Sasori to be like this, because this Sasori frightens him. It's not the real Sasori and Deidara does not want this Sasori. He wants the friendly and supportive redhead back. He feels close to tears when he whispers, "I'm alright. I'm with you."

There isn't much warning that Deidara receives for the following. Sasori's eyes are still narrowed, but not because of anger anymore. They look melanholic and gaze at the blond in a way that leaves the latter wondering how many unsaid words there are actually hidden behind that facade.

Sasori caresses Deidara's cheek and draws closer. His fingers slide down to the chin and, as Deidara gasps in surprise, presses his lips against the blond's.

Deidara loses contact with the rest of his body. He cannot feel his legs or torso anymore. It's close to being paralyzed, only it doesn't feel like he's in his body at all. He feels like his soul has broken free from his body, wrapping itself in the warm sensation he receives from Sasori.

_Sasori._

Not only is Sasori the only thing he can feel, but also sense and hear. He senses the redhead pulling him against his torso so hard it's like the blond is being absorbed by him. Deidara can sense the hunger coming from Sasori and can feel something - something  _leaving_ him.

Deidara is wrapped in the redhead's warmth and vaguely perceives how Sasori is taking something in return from him. What exactly, he can't put his finger on. He has only come to the conclusion when he can already feel his mind leaving him, leaving only Sasori.

_Sasori, Sasori, Sasori._

Sasori lowers the blond to the bed. Deidara's hands are wrapped around him and he knows he has to let go. It's so hard, he feels like he's being torn apart the looser his hold on the blond becomes, but he has to. Against his lips, Sasori can feel Deidara's movements become robotic and knows he is lingering on the border of consciousness.

Face grimaced from the struggle, he closes his mouth and pushes away.

A flash of surprise comes across the blond's face as his eyes fly open and he gasps for air. In the moment of consciousness he looks puzzled and dazed as he stares into the redhead's dark brown eyes, before he drifts off to sleep.

Deidara wakes up in dim light. He rubs his eyes and moans. It feels like the worst hangover, even though he doesn't remember drinking anything. His ears are ringing and it feels like someone is continuously hitting his head with a hammer. What the hell happened?

He opens his eyes and is momentarily shocked to find himself in an unfamiliar place. He isn't at home, that's for sure. In a flash he sits up and glances around himself. He calms a bit when he sees Sasori sitting behind the desk, scribbling something on a paper. He stops the moment Deidara's eyes land on him and turns around.

"Sasori?" the blond murmurs huskily.

The cold expression is quickly replaced by a warm smile on Sasori's smile and he rises from his chair. "Hey, Dei," he says as he walks closer to the blond and squats by the bed. "How're you feeling?"

Deidara rubs his eyes again and then his temples. "Headache ish. And confused. Did I fall asleep or something? I can't remember much-"

The dark shadow that glides over the redhead's face goes unnoticed by the blond.

"You fainted," Sasori says with a voice of concern. "Want me to get you some Tylenol?"

Deidara nods. "That would be nice."

Sasori gives a nod as well. "Alright." He gets up and walks towards the door. Before opening it, he halts and looks back. "Ehm - you might wanna call your parents. You were out quite long. It's almost 11PM."

Deidara's eyes go wide as he cusses, "shit" and gets off the bed. "Where's my phone?! Shit shit shit shit-" He looks around in the dimly lit room, not able to remember where he put his stuff.

Sasori switches the light on. "It's on the shelf right next to you," he says.

Deidara glances up and notices the red phone cover in which his phone lies. He grabs it and dials home. Raising the device to his ear as he frantically tries to come up with excuses, Sasori leaves the room. Deidara watches as the door swings closed behind him and falls in thought for a did he faint? The last time he fainted was when he was running a high fever around the age of 5…

What happened when he came over?

He can vaguely remember telling Sasori what happened with Itachi, but after that…? Did Sasori get angry?

He is brought out of his thoughts by his mother's frantic voice.

"Deidara?! Deidara?"

"Hey, mom…"

"Jesus Christ, Deidara, where are you?!"

"I'm sorry, Mom - I, uh, met up with a classmate and started chatting and it started raining while we were out and since we were close to his home, we went to his place. We watched a movie and I fell asleep. I'm sorry."

Sasori enters the room again and closes the door silently, watching the blond explaining a modified version of the situation to his mother. He has brought Tylenol with a glass of water and puts them on the desk.

Deidara eventually ends the call and puts the phone away.

"Uh, thanks," he says as he reaches out for the painkiller. "Do you mind if I stay here the night? I could call a taxi, but Mom just told me to ask, because she doesn't want me out alone this late."

"Do you live only with your mom?" Sasori asks, cocking his head to one side in a curious manner.

Deidara nods and drinks up all the water after swallowing the pill. "And cat."

"I see," Sasori mutters. "And yeah, it's alright. How're you feeling?" He casts the other a concerned look.

Deidara bites his lip. "Unsure. The headache is starting to fade, but I've still this strange feeling…"

Sasori walks to his closet and opens the doors to get an extra mattress, so the blond can't see the change in his expression.

"...I can't really remember what happened before I passed out. Is it normal?"

"Maybe it would be better if you got some sleep," Sasori says.

Deidara looks at him in thought and shrugs a shoulder. "If you say so."

Sasori nods. Moving swiftly, he sets up a bed on an extra mattress for the blond by his own bed. He changes his own clothes for a loose old gray shirt and sweatpants, being only too aware of Deidara's semi-hidden staring that makes him smirk momentarily.

Deidara gets under the sheets on the mattress and rests his head on the pillow. Sasori walks over to the light switch.

"May I turn it off?" he asks, addressing the blond.

Deidara nods quietly from the ground.

The lights go out and the two are left in the darkness. Deidara can hear the redhead move towards his own bed.

"Good night," he whispers when he hears the other to have settled down.

"Night," Sasori replies. He looks over at the blond down on the ground with his back on him with a small, content smile.

Deidara is finally here.

The pair of brown eyes flash a scarlet red color before the lids cover them.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

Deidara wakes up feeling more tired than when he went to sleep the previous night. He doesn't feel like getting up, but realizing where he is motivates him to still do it. He pushes the blanket off of himself and ascends to his feet, rubbing his eyes. Sasori's bed is empty.

Deidara walks over to the chair where his now dry clothes are hanging. He quickly changes into them. A shiver of cold runs down his back and he has to wrap his hands around himself to keep himself from trembling. Damn, is it cold!

He opens the bedroom door and walks out. He paces down the stairs, gazing around himself. The house doesn't look much different in light. It has a sort of grayish atmosphere and not just looks but  _feels_ so empty. Halting for a second, Deidara tries to listen for any sounds that might give away Sasori's or his grandmother's presence, but hears nothing.

Have they left the house?

Stepping slowly and cautiously as if afraid of his footsteps disturbing the tranquil atmosphere, the boy heads towards the living room. The door is closed. Deidara halts again to listen but there hasn't been a change in the silence. He could still hear a pin drop.

He is just about to push down the handle to open the door, when a voice from behind him makes him jump.

"Good morning."

Deidara whips around, finding Sasori with a stoic expression staring right at him. Seeing the blond's petrified expression bring an amused smirk to the redhead's face.

"Did I scare you?"

Deidara has a hand over his heart, trying to steady his heartbeat, which has accelerated like after a marathon.

"Sorry," he breathes, "I didn't hear you coming."

"I see," Sasori mutters. "Do you want some breakfast?"

Deidara nods. "Something warm would be nice."

They walk to the kitchen, which seems to Deidara like every other room he has been to in that house so far. All the equipment look new just as the table and the chairs. Even the floor looked like a crumb had never fallen down on it. Everything just looked so untouched.

"Is coffee okay?" Sasori asks as he opens the cupboard, revealing shelves stocked with food ingrediences. Deidara catches a tinge of surprise in himself at the sight of real food. The kitchen doesn't look like it's used as a place for eating.

"Actually I don't really like coffee," Deidara admits, embarrassed for having to refuse.

"Hot chocolate then?" Sasori suggests, taking out a package of brown powder.

Deidara nods eagerly. He seats himself behind the desk while Sasori is preparing his drink and a sandwich to go with it.

"Where's your granny?" Deidara inquires.

There is a bit of silence before he receives an answer.

"She went out."

"Oh." For some reason, Deidara feels like his questions are uncalled for.

Sasori finishes preparing the meal quite soon and sets the plate and mug down before the blond with a clink against the table.

"Bon appetite," he says with a casual smirk, taking a seat across from his guest.

"Thanks," Deidara says.

"Did you sleep well?" Sasori inquires as the other bites into the sandwich.

Deidara nods slowly. "I still feel a bit tired, but I think that's just from all the recent stress."

As a silence falls, the blond recalls his manners and returns the question. "How about you?"

A smile with a hint of a private joke slips across the redhead's lips. "My sleep was excellent, thank you."

Deidara soon finishes his drink and sandwich. His tongue glides over his lips to remove any traces of chocolate there might have been left.

He takes his dishes to the sink and just as he is wondering whether it would be appropriate for him to wash them, does he sense cold breath blowing down against his neck. He whips around abruptly, the dishes falling into the sink with loud noise.

"Don't - sneak up on me like that," Deidara warns the redhead as he is, once again, trying to slow down his racing heart.

"Sorry," mutters Sasori, looking Deidara deep in the eye. Instantly the blond seems to forget about his heart that is beating hard like a drum and can only focus on the face before him.

"You missed this spot," Sasori whispers as his lips brush against the upper part of Deidara's mouth. The blond's breath catches in his throat.

"S-sorry," he stutters, although an apology hardly makes sense in the context.

"It's alright," Sasori says as his body moves in even closer and his lips peck the blond's briefly. The breath that comes out of Deidara's nose and mouth is shaky as are his feet and body that is searching for support from the counter behind him.

As he inches back a bit, Sasori moves with him.

Another peck on the lips.

"You're not going back to Itachi, are you?" Sasori asks, although it is more like a statement in a seductive purr. His lips connect with the blond's again.

"N-no."

"Ever?" Sasori presses, his lips crossing the blond's one last time.

"Ever," Deidara whispers, "I'm yours."

-x-

Later that day, Deidara is sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall. His head is still hurting, however the headache has been going on for such a long time that he isn't paying attention to it as the awareness of it is pushed somewhere at the back of his mind.

His eyes are focused on the wall, completely ignoring his mobile phone that is lying switched off on the desk. He knows Itachi must have called already and would be agitated on Monday, but Deidara can't find it in himself to care. For the first time in a long while he feels untroubled.

It is over between him and Itachi. There isn't anything connecting them anymore, not even their past because there simply isn't room in the blond's mind for those memories anymore. He is letting them go and disappear into nothing, as though they never existed.

His words earlier from the day echo in his head, when he said to Sasori " _I'm yours_ ". What an odd thing to say, Deidara muses, yet pays little mind to it and more to the fact that he is, once again, in a relationship.

He isn't bothered by it, though, because this time, it really feels different. He doesn't feel captivated anymore. He feels free as a bird flying around in a forest. There are no threats hovering above his head anymore, for he stands so high that no one else could even touch him. All his worries, all the threats have been left far down below on the ground with everyone else and he is flying free above, accompanied only by the wonderfully handsome redhead.

Deidara lets out a light-hearted sigh. He closes his eyes and rests his head against the wall.

_Free as a bird._

As free as he will ever be, with Sasori by his side, and as free as he will ever want to be.

If only his head stopped hurting...

-x-

 _Why did I do that?!_ the boy's mind won't stop screeching.  _I had him, I apologized, he was on the way to forgiving me - and then I just had to act like an asshole to lose him again!_

Itachi kicks a street lamp in anger, receiving a few cautious looks from the passers-by, which he ignores to the full extent. His only focus is the incident from the night before.

He can't understand what came over him! He  _knows_ how sensitive the blond can be, yet he still dragged him along with that group and let things go that far.

He had been so determined the day before to set things right and win the blond back. The whole night was supposed to be about them,  _him_ and he still got side-tracked and lost his way!

Itachi fails to wrap his mind around it. It had been so strange, such a -  _weird_ feeling, like he wasn't entirely in control of his actions. His body had been moving, his own mouth had voiced words, but neither of those had been  _his._  The words hadn't been his thoughts, the actions hadn't been his intentions. He had wanted to do the right thing and he  _hadn't_.

When he reaches the school, he is instantly met by Nagato and Kakuzu. They stick by him, Nagato telling them about Naruto who has got beat up pretty bad in a street fight and is now staying home, pretending to be sick while he heals.

Itachi isn't listening at all, not even when Gaara and Neji join them. As they stroll through the hallways, Itachi's eyes keep wandering around searching for a certain blond.

He needs to apologize.

He knows it is very likely Deidara will just walk without listening to a single word he says, but he must try. Even when the odds to him having lost the blond forever are close to a hundred, he cannot just give up. He must do everything in his capability to turn the tables around.

And at the moment the only he way he is aware of to do that is apologizing. It isn't much, but it's his everything.

And maybe,  _maybe_ if he gets the blond to stop and listen, he could explain the strange feeling that had come over him Friday night. Explain that he hadn't been himself.

Just  _maybe-_

But before he can get into another speculation, he spots something in the hallway that makes him stop in his tracks, his friends halting with him.

Right there by the window, standing apart from the throng of students is the blond he has been looking for, his golden hair falling down his back as gracefully as ever. Forthwith notices Itachi that Deidara has gone back to his original look of tight jeans and a hoodie, which casts a ray of hope straight into Itachi's dark abyss. Going back to his old look must mean Deidara isn't as upset anymore, which rapidly increases the odds of Itachi being able to fix things-

Just as suddenly it materialized the ray of hope also disappears when Itachi finally takes notice of the company the blond is in.

Hiding his face in the crook of the other's neck, Deidara purses his lips and kisses his neck as the redhead wraps his arms around him, kissing the top of the blond's head.

Itachi is like a frozen statue in the middle of the hallway. Thankfully he still has his reputation, otherwise he would get run over. He stares at the couple - he thinks the word automatically before realizing its  _real_ meaning. Their being is just so obvious that the word pops into his head.

And now that he has thought of the word, he knows it to be true.

He has officially lost Deidara to Sasori.

-x-

Sasori's embrace is very warm and comfortable, Deidara concludes at the end of the school day as they head towards the exit, arms looped around each other.

"Wanna come over?" Sasori asks while kissing Deidara's forehead.

"Mhmm," Deidara murmurs indistinctly. In a moment he seems to collect himself and says in a clearer tone, "Yeah, sure."

Sasori smiles and halts, wrapping his other hand around the blond as well. He presses his lips against Deidara's, giving him a slow kiss as the other eventually parts his lips.

Just as Sasori is about to take it up a level, he is interrupted by a cough from behind him.

"Can I help you somehow, Uchiha?" Sasori asks in a tone that is both polite and poisonous. He turns around, looking the dark haired guy that is a good few inches taller than him in the eye without a trace of dismay. On the contrary, pure contempt is cast at the Uchiha, whose eyes narrow at the sight.

Itachi isn't taken aback, though. While he is not used to people acting so brash around him at school, he has learnt to know better than to expect the redhead to bow down to him like the rest of the student body.

He maintained his calm facade and says in a cold, certain tone to the redhead, "I wish to speak to Deidara." He turns to the blond, his expression softening in an instant. "Dei? Hear me out, please?"

Deidara instinctively shifts closer to Sasori, shielding half of his body with the redhead's.

Sasori notices this and allows himself a smirk of triumph, which - Itachi marks - he hides from Deidara.

"I'll have a word with you," Sasori says with a malicious edge to his tone. He pecks Deidara on the lips, saying "Wait here, babe, I'll be right back."

He gives him one final half-smile before walking out of sight with the Uchiha.

-x-

Lying in bed staring at the ceiling, Itachi can't fall asleep. He is racking his brains, trying to remember what had happened after he'd interrupted Deidara and the redhead's kiss, but cannot piece it together. It's like every time he recalls something, something else slips away and he can never get the full picture in his head.

He finds it more than odd. Just like he found his own behavior Friday night odd. What is up with him these days?

However, there is one memory that hasn't left him since the afternoon. It is, once again, a  _feeling_.

A feeling of dread.

Itachi's eyebrows furrow. Since when is he scared of anything? It doesn't make any sense. Yet there it is, that one feeling still aching in the pit of his stomach. He cannot rid himself of it.

He thinks it has something to do with the afternoon. There is a limit to possible consequences and that limit has been crossed. Memory loss  _and_ fear? Something is off. Way off.

He thinks back to the parts of the day he can remember. A tinge of jealousy strikes through him when he recalls how happy Deidara had seemed in Sasori's arms. Itachi can't remember ever seeing the blond like that before with him.

Jealousy transforms into depression.

Maybe Deidara really is better off with Sasori. Still, Itachi can't shake the feeling that sometimes is off with the redhead. He tries to justify the feeling with his pain of loss, but it doesn't seem right.

There is just something about Akasuna that makes him different and that's what Itachi cannot put his finger on.

What makes Sasori so different from everyone else? What is his trick?

And why does Itachi only sense danger from him?

* * *

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy endings are great.

Itachi is driven into a corner. He knows he has officially lost to Sasori and there is nothing left for him in the competition anymore, yet something - stubbornness? - is preventing him from turning away and moving on with his life.

Itachi knows himself well. He knows how self-centred he tends to be and it doesn't bother him. He is content with the way he is and, despite the small diversion from his path that Deidara forced him into, he sees no reason for changing himself. If anybody has a problem with him, they can go jump off a cliff.

And even so…

Even though he knows all this and is convinced in its truism, why must his mind keep lingering on the one topic he really needs to forget?

Deidara.

He lost him and he's not used to losing, that's true. However, he's not dense - he knows when it's for the best to retreat in order to save face, and he's not the kind to dwell on bittersweet memories.

It's all over, gone and done with, so - why can't he stop this feeling that he needs to get Deidara away from Sasori?!

Deidara is none of his business anymore. Be Sasori whatever he might (Itachi has already decided on it being an evil aura that surrounds the redhead; further details are beyond him, though), it's not something Itachi should worry himself over.

Yet he is.

Why?

Do his feelings for the blond really run that much deeper than he would have thought?

-x-

Sasori has never felt better in his existence. Never did he expect things to go so smoothly. It has only been two weeks since Deidara first came over to his place and he already seems to be ready for  _it_.

A brilliant smile that bares his teeth crosses the redhead's face as Deidara steps out of the classroom. The blond's eyes - seeming somehow tired and worn out nowadays, yet still holding their beauty in them - instantly glance around looking for the redhead until they find him and he happily jogs into the redhead's arms.

"Hey, babe," Sasori mutters, kissing the blond's forehead. Deidara's embrace is weak, like he's drained of energy, but Sasori can tell that he's pressing himself against him as hard as he can. A content smile crosses, once again, the redhead's face.

He really is ready.

"Let's go grab some lunch?" Sasori suggests.

Deidara nods eagerly and the redhead guides them into the flow of students all heading towards the canteen. His eyes run over the herd of people and notice the familiar figure monitoring them from the other side of the hallway. The figure notices Sasori watching as well and their eyes lock momentarily. Deidara doesn't notice the two holding gazes - Sasori's expression growing more triumphant as Itachi's darkens - all the while they pass each other; eventually the couple turns the corner, disappearing from Itachi's sight.

Sasori knows that Itachi has still yet to give up and that his weak human senses have already warned him to stay away, yet he still wishes to fight and tear Deidara away as well. Sasori has been keeping an eye on him; he cannot let Itachi get Deidara alone for a talk and pose a threat.

Although it wouldn't really matter anymore, Sasori reasons. Itachi's too late, there's nothing he can do anymore. Still, - Sasori's hold on the blond tightens and he plants a kiss on his head - he doesn't like others fooling around with things that are  _his_.

The two enter the canteen.

Sasori's eyes wander upon the clock on the wall.

Four more hours until school lets out.

Four hours and it will all finally be done.

"Babe?" he murmurs to Deidara.

"Hm?"

"Let me take you somewhere after school."

Deidara's eyebrows rise in wonder, but his eyes show happiness. "To where?"

Sasori half-smirks and pecks his lips. "That's a secret."

Once school finally lets out - Sasori has been waiting quite impatiently for this - the two settle down in the redhead's car. Sasori is just about to start the engine when a loud scream filled the air in front of the school building. It was loud enough to be heard over the noise of the street and students.

"DEIDARA!"

It startles Sasori, but the startle turns into anger in a flash.  _Stupid human,_ he thinks and rolls up the windows, starting the engine.

"Sasori?" Deidara says hesitantly.

"It's just Itachi," Sasori growls. "Let's get out of here." He pulls out of the school parking lot and onto the street. Deidara shifts in his seat and turns around to see through the back window. His eyes widen when he sees the dark haired male run after them.

"S-sasori!" he exclaims, pointing his finger at Itachi who was speeding after them; he is no match for the car and they are losing him. Deidara can tell that he was yelling something, but isn't able to distinguish the words.

Eyes wide with fear, he turns to Sasori. He is taken aback by the expression on the redhead's face.

Sasori can well understand what Itachi is shouting and his eyes narrow with anger.  _Stop interfering with my plans, you worthless human!_ he thinks with more force than intended. The second the thought emerges in his mind, he regrets losing his cool and collects himself, but the damage has already been done and there is no taking it back.

He slams the gas pedal against the floor, but not fast enough to stop Deidara from seeing the following:

As Itachi is running, refusing to give in despite the hopelessness of the situation, a truck appears from a narrow side street at full speed. There is no way either the driver or Itachi could have seen it coming or could have prevented it. Their collision is marked by a high pitched scream that comes from Deidara's mouth.

A second too late, Sasori turns the corner, out of sight.

-x-

The redhead's hands clasp the weeping teenager's head as he plants kisses on his face, wiping away the tears that way. Deidara is shivering, his lips mouthing incoherent words as he leans against Sasori for support. Each time the redhead's hand runs through his hair, it feels like a piece of his sadness and mourning is taken away, and replaced with - numbness and exhaustion.

Deidara becomes so tired he almost dozes off, but the cold breeze blowing softly in his face manages to keep him awake. Eventually he calms down enough to stop sobbing.

"It'll be alright, Dei," Sasori whispers. "Just a little bit more."

Deidara pushes back a little to look the redhead in the eyes. His own blue eyes are rounded by reddened eyelids while he looks at Sasori's perfectly pale face, and his eyes that are not brown anymore, he notices. They are now an incandescent red, looking so alive Deidara is not sure whether the flames dancing in them are his imagination or real.

"Are you ready?" Sasori asks, his voice like a thousand angels that enchant the poor mortals.

"Yes," Deidara breathes, having no idea or interest in what he just agreed to.

Sasori smiles and lets go of the blond, taking his hand and standing up. Deidara stands up, too, and in a flash, he can't remember anymore where they used to be, everything around them becomes swirling patterns of black and red that circle them like they are inside a whirlpool.

Wind blows and messes with Deidara's hair, but it's not chilly anymore. As a matter of fact, it's warm, very warm. Deidara feels like they're in a desert; the air is hot, almost burning, and very dry. He feels his skin becoming dry like sand and throat hoarse with thirst. In his grip, Sasori's hand still remains on the same temperature, eventually seeming cold.

As the whirlpool around them fades, it reveals a scenery of a courtroom seen through a red mist. There are people whose faces are too blurred for Deidara to properly distinguish sitting on the benches around them and he, with Sasori, is standing in front of the judge's raised desk. As Deidara looks up, he sees a figure looking down at them from the judge's seat and that figure Deidara recognizes - it's Sasori's granny.

"The heir is present," a voice announces somewhere in the room. To Deidara the whole scene is like he's watching it underwater - everything seems blurred and the voices are so distant. To top it off, something is making him sleepy and his eyelids feel heavy. Only this one small voice somewhere inside of him - Deidara has no idea where it is coming from - is telling him to pay attention and stay awake.

"Let the Coronation ceremony begin."

 _Coronation?_ Deidara thinks.  _What coronation?_

"Akasuna Sasori," a voice speaks and this time Deidara realizes it's Sasori's granny speaking, "according to the laws of succession of the Underworld, you are to succeed to the throne after your older brother, Orochimaru, the Lord of the Underworld. After the Great Lord's funeral, you were given the assignment to collect a soul to be devoured before acceding to the throne. Is the soul bearer present?"

"Yes." Sasori's loudly voiced word echoed in the room and in Deidara's head, bouncing off the wall of his mind, only to hit the opposite wall and elicit the question that should have emerged a long time ago:  _what is going on?!_

The question feels heavy in Deidara's mind, as if it doesn't belong or isn't wanted there. But the more he concentrates on it, the more it arouses interest in him. His eyelids start feeling lighter and the voices speaking begin sounding clearer.

The mist starts to fade.

"The regent, Akasuna Chiyo, will you pass your approval of Akasuna Sasori acceding to the throne as the Lord of the Underworld?"

Deidara is looking around in the sudden clarity that has emerged in his mind, his thoughts racing.

Underworld? Soul devouring?

He hasn't agreed to any of this.

"I do."

"Then, Akasuna Sasori, you may proceed."

Deidara feels Sasori next to him shifting and turning to face him, making him face, too. Sasori isn't looking him in the eyes, Deidara can't even tell what he is looking at; it's like he is looking right through him without actually seeing him.

Deidara begins to shift uneasily and watches as the redhead's lips twist in a broad smile, revealing his sharp fangs - Deidara nearly screams at the sight of them; it's like looking a shark in the mouth. Sasori moves closer to him and Deidara feels something being sucked out of him. He can't breathe - it's like the air from his lungs is being taken away, but that's not it. It's something else entirely.

Realization of Sasori starting to devour his soul pierces him like a knife.

"STOP!" Deidara screeches, pushing the redhead away. Having not seen that coming, Sasori stumbles back and falls on the floor. "I'm not doing this!"

A noise of surprise breaks out and there are voices shouting over each other; one of them eventually quiets the rest:

"What is the meaning of this, Akasuna Sasori?!" it demands. "This soul isn't ready to be devoured yet!"

Deidara stares at the dumbfounded redhead lying on the floor and he feels like crying, but the shock won't allow him to. He has been tricked and taken advantage of - again! Human or not, even Sasori has turned out to be the same as everybody else.

"Y-you duped me," Deidara whispers, although he isn't sure whether anyone hears him. He can't believe this. He hugs himself tight; this time, it really does feel like it is the air that is being sucked out of him. He can't breathe, his head is swimming. He can physically feel himself breaking on the inside.

People - demons - are still buzzing around him, but he listens to none of it. This just can't be real.

" _Go away, my nightmare,_ " Deidara whispers and gasps, covering his mouth. The uncried tears are blocking his airways and suffocating him. He can't take this. " _GO AWAY!"_

All of a sudden, everyone around him quiets and he sees them all glancing at him for a second.

Then the entire scenery begins to dissolve: the colors that made up the people around him get smeared like a fresh painting and create another whirlpool around him that takes everything away - including Sasori. The wind is strong that blows around him and pushes him to the ground; he collapses.

When Deidara finally awakens, the whole courtroom is gone along with everyone in it. He finds himself in a forest, the sky above him a mass of gray. He is perched on the ground covered in moss that feels wet beneath his hands. He stands up.

Without giving the direction he'll be going in any thought, Deidara begins to walk, looking in front of him with a blank look. Although he has this feeling of total emptiness and numbness inside of him, his mind is racing with thoughts of what has just gone down.

Itachi?

Itachi, who only used him as a doll to accessorize his own outlook, was chasing after him as Sasori took him away from school into an unknown place. The memory of the truck appearing out of nowhere and hitting him replays in Deidara's head but he doesn't even wince.

Sasori?

Sasori, who was his remedy, who took away all the pain Itachi and Deidara's homophobic mother caused him, turned out to be the heir of the Lord of the Underground and had only used him to get to his throne. Just like Itachi had used him to complete his own image of the ruler of the school.

Ino? Ino had turned away from him the second she learnt that he had dumped Itachi.

His mother? His mother would disown him, were she to find out about her son's homosexuality.

 _And me?_ Deidara thinks as the woods begin to thin and he can see a meadow approaching.  _What about me?_

As he continues pacing and exits the woods, he comes to realize that it is no meadow that waits for him at the of the forest. Where the high, steep face of the rock ends, he sees more trees growing way down below.

Deidara doesn't even halt or hesitate, he just continues walking. What would be the point in hesitating? As if anything is going to change, as if there is a single person that would try and stop him from jumping.

_As if he means anything more to the world than an accessory._

Half a meter before the edge of the cliff, Deidara takes a leap.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy endings are great. Too bad that they are so rare.


End file.
